Reader:

My question for today is: How do I get white guys to stop smiling and looking at me and step up and talk to me. What can I do besides smiling back to show that I’m open to the idea of talking to them?

Michelle 

Hey, I know you! How’s it goin today Ms. Fashion Show!

Ya wanna know how I know you? Cuz you made yourself known to me first, that’s why. You’re the one who got that ball rollin and here I am all noticing you, happy to see you and givin ya nicknames and all that. Nice trick, how did you do that?

And you know…the whole thing is your fault. You started it! And now that you’re on my swirling radar you’re gonna let me finish it.

So lets just rewind a little bit then see what we can do about transferring what you did to me here in this place to Real Life, ok?

If you recall, I made a comment on something then you replied to me and things went from there. I’m just minding my own business doin my white guy thing and you managed to get yourself noticed. I happened to recognize an opportunity and went from there and now here we are sittin here talkin together about stuff.

Now what you did, you acknowledged something I said, offered a compliment and then followed it up with a question of your own. God, we white guys LOVE it when ya make it that easy for us like that. The door’s sitting there wide open and all I gotta do is walk on through it.

And I totally did…heh heh.

So it looks like you want more guys to quit standing there in the doorway and start walking on through it, huh? Geez Michelle, where are you having this problem at? Are you standing in front of the corporate headquarters of E.D. Anonymous?

Well, ya worked your magic on me so let’s see how we can work that “walk through my door ” magic out there in The Real World today.

Even though this is about them white guys walkin through your door, lets start with you, ok? What kind of reason are you giving them to walk through that door? Now think about that for a second. Sure, you can sit there and say to yourself that you’re willing to have your door intruded upon in that manner, but you gotta decorate your doorway a little bit and make it look like one I want to go all barging into SWAT team style. Or Mormon Missionary style, I don’t care, whatever works for ya like that. I don’t judge 😉

————-

And then you got to make it look like one YOU want me to go all SWAT team on. Or Mormon Missionary on…whatever. You want us white guys coming through your door one way or another.

The world out there is one big huge opportunity for this. Don’t limit yourself to this type of thinking for any particular time and place, like for example a bar or club. Hell, people expect to get all social in that environment. I’m talking everywhere else here. And I mean EVERYWHERE else. The second you set foot out your front door, you have got to be mindful of this doorway you and I are talking about here.

So walk around with that door wide open. Make sure you look pleasant, relaxed, open to something beyond a mundane “hi”. Look approachable. And by that I mean put that cell phone away, take off those sunglasses, rev up that smile and make some direct eye contact out there. Relax, slow down and just kinda glide gracefully through your day. Don’t deny us the privilege of seeing you at your best. Try to keep in a good and positive frame of mind and put out good vibes in general.

Hey, personally here’s what I do myself and it has been good to me. It has been VERY good to me and you should try this today…

Smile. Smile and relax. Smile and relax and have fun. Smile and relax and have fun and then flirt like there is no tomorrow. People will remember you in a good way if there actually is a tomorrow.

Ok. That’s your assignment for today. And tomorrow. And the next day, too. Ya know, just do it every day, OK? You’ve got a nice looking door there, Michelle. I walked through it. Now lets get some other whiteness walking through it as well.

Sadly, we gotta recognize there’s some barriers out there when it comes to getting white guys to walk through an ebony door. Hey, it ain’t your fault, it ain’t my fault, we just have to play the hand we’re dealt here, OK? There’s simply racial, cultural and just plain old human nature related barriers we  have to work around here. We aren’t getting into that can of worms…hell, that’s a can of damn sea serpents right there. We ain’t touching that stuff, we’re just gonna acknowledge it exists and how we’re gonna get them white dudes coming around and walking through your door.

Now ya know what I like about your question, Michelle? I like the fact that you say, and I most assuredly quote,

“What can I DO besides smiling back to SHOW that I’m open to the idea of talking to them?”

This tells me a few things about you. A few things about you that I really like.

THING 1: You’re pro active. You want to “do” things. You want to step up and take care of business rather than just sit back and wonder what the hell’s going on.

THING 2: You are not only willing to take control here, but you’re gonna most definitely do it. You want to “show” you’re open and so is your door.

Kudos to you, Michelle! Gotta love those chicks who like what they see then decide to do something about it 😉

So here’s a few something’s to do about it.

If you’re open to the idea of talking to them, there ain’t no rule that says they have to talk first. They might not even know you’re in the vicinity and willing to engage in a little doorway play.

Don’t be afraid to get that ball rolling. I mean, ya went and did it to me! Heh heh…so try talking! Now I’m not saying go up to him all like,

“Why hello there, you vanilla Viking, you. Come get some cocoa.”

Save that for a Halloween party 😉

Make a few casual, random comments and observations. It’s not that they have to be all profound and thought provoking, just a means of lowering that initial barrier and allowing things to run their natural course from there.

I’m sure you do the same thing with little old ladies, other chicks, the cashier, kids, whomever…whatever. Do it with some white guy who caught your eye and you want him coming on through that door of yours. No big deal, just a casual observation as you walk on by.

You see him getting in/out of a Jeep/BMW/Pinto…

“You know, I’ve really been thinking of getting one of those. Are they worth it?”

When it comes to white guys, their cars are a pretty safe bet to get that job done.

You know what worked on me once? I’m just minding my own business in the produce section and someone next to me said,

“Do you know if these sweet potatoes or yams?”

Seriously, that’s all it took, we struck up a nice casual conversation and 2 days later we’re having dinner together.

And no, we never actually did find out if they were sweet potatoes or yams. Heh heh…Like we even cared in the first place!

So like I said, it doesn’t have to be anything all profound and thought provoking here. Just an initial something to get that ball rolling. You’re just looking to show that you’re open to the idea of talking to them. Then let him go from there and begin the journey through your door ya got wide open.

Now let’s flip this around here OK? How about you give me something to make a casual observation and comment on. Hey, what’s the first thing I did when I addressed you at the beginning? I dropped a nickname on ya. You know why? Cuz you went and gave me something memorable to work with and I was all “Hey Fashion Show!”

See, this casual comment observational thing works both ways here. Give the white dude something to check out and comment on.

Like a Metallica tee shirt. Heh heh..now THAT would be interesting! God, that would be interesting. If I saw some Lovely Black Lady rocking one of those I’d be very quick to say something to her. Woman, I am coming through your door in 3..2..1…

Swirling Mission Control, we have lift off!

Yeah, you see where I’m going with this.

Or if you’re a little more low key, try something else you’re comfortable with. The general idea here is to give that white guy something he’s gonna notice and then he’s simply gotta say something about.

Bonus points for busting out of traditional stereotype territory. I’m just saying  ;-).

Now, sometimes you do have to be a little more blunt. A little more out in the open. We have those stinking barriers we were talking about. If you are so inclined be a little more direct and go the compliment route. Its a little more than that casual comment thing we were talking about. Feel free to ambush him with your feminine wiles. God gave them to you for a reason ya know.

You like his cool tie? Let him know it. You like his shirt, shoes, bad-ass leather jacket…whatever. Let him know you noticed it. You don’t have to go  trying to pick him up, just let him know you see what he’s doing and you like what you see. The worst that can happen is like, what… “Thank you” ??

You know, like I said earlier you did just that with me here. You addressed me, you offered a compliment, and then you asked me a question.

And by God! As soon as I saw your name I knew who you were! Job well done, Michelle! Job well done!

So smile. Relax. Make eye contact. Enjoy yourself. Good vibes are contagious. You’re having a great time, your door is wide open and the right kinda white guy is gonna recognize that and go walking on through it 😉

Cheers to you and stay Swirly, my friend!