During my 72-hour Facebook exile, several people posted a letter on my wall from the eldest child of the man featured on Iyanla, Fix My Life who boasted 34 children by 17 different women. It was a ratings boon for the OWN Network, but left many of us sort of feeling like we needed a shower. Honestly, I couldn’t watch the entire 3-part pain porn fest, nor could I stomach how Jay Williams, a successful Atlanta music producer, seemed so disconnected by his actions. I also wasn’t up for hearing how the next 16 mothers could fix their mouths to make excuses about how they contributed to 50% of the mess. Let’s all be real. Some of them saw a semi-successful, good looking black man fixed themselves to compete for “top wifey” status. There is blame enough for this dude and the 17 other participants in this blight. But you know who is absolutely, 100% blameless? The kids. And it’s about time we heard from them.

Amina Mosley, the eldest of the disaster brood, shared her heartfelt thoughts in this letter, here. It is quite long, so read it first and then come back.

A few paragraphs stood out to me in this letter. Let’s start with this:

“What does a person like that teach a child about how to socialize? Have no expectations? Have no voice? Set no boundaries?”

And THAT chicas, is the root of why so many young black men and women are amongst us as the walking wounded. The “wounded” expresses itself in black boys has hyper masculinity, misogyny, hatred of black women and the desire to have sexual dominance over them, and the notion that the more children they create, the more “manly” they become, regardless of their ability to provide for and protect them. With black women, this often expresses itself as completely and utterly naive on how to interact with the opposite sex in the dating area that leads towards a positive end (marriage and kids). Black women are socialized to not expect marriage and a present father for their kids, like…at all. They are taught to expect nothing, and have absolutely no healthy boundaries, which oftentimes, leaves them open for exploitation and abuse. These “walking wounded” young black girls often become “the hoes” that hip hop misogynior loves to drag under the bus. She the girl who you laughed at because she let you and your boys run a train on her. First…STOP CALLING HER A WHORE. If she is a “whore,” you men who think nothing of leaving your children to be raised in motherly solitude create these “whores.” The very thing you despise, YOU CREATE, when you “bust a nut” and LEAVE. These “whores” are so hungry for love and attention and use sex as a means to achieve even just a fleeting ration. And don’t let that “whore” be dark and nappy headed. She’s of little more worth than a donkey or a mule.

Then there’s this, in reference to how Alima’s father has such an inflated sense of himself…

He thinks he is somehow “different” He then went on to tell me that he was not very happy with the first three episodes. He stated “The production made me appear to be like those regular guys out there who just have babies everywhere and don’t do anything for them.” I actually think that he forgot who he was speaking with because in my eyes he has always been just a “regular” guy having babies and not taking any true responsibility for them.

What in the natural phuck?! What world does this loser live in? Yes you ARE like those “regular guys have babies” and don’t do shit. Dude won’t even show up to school functions because he’s scared he’ll get collared by the police for back child support!!! UGGGGHHHHH!!!

So why do we talk about this stuff on an interracial dating site for black women? Because, ‘black community,’ this blog is the receptor and receiver of the “walking wounded” girls and women who are affected by your poor choices and selfishness. They ask ME for advice that they should have been taught and what other races of girls know from 11 years old and up! Fractured families leads to fractured social lives!!

But I have hope for the eldest. Here’s what she said about this jackass. Yes; he’s a jackass.

In response to his denial filled statement I calmly said, “let’s be honest, if you were solely responsible for my three meals a day since birth I would not be breathing right now.” Of course that struck a nerve in him, and per usual he went on about all of the things that he did for me and my siblings growing up. You see in his head he feels he has been “super dad” when in reality, all he has to hold on to are glorified moments of generosity.