If you haven’t yet seen our weekly Google+ Hangouts, you’re missing out! Lots of fun, good conversation, and a great way to connect with community. (Hint: skip to 1:18 and you’ll get a clue of yet ANOTHER love connection from our private G+ group!) I had fellow You Tuber, Wes Murphy, back to talk about his latest date, which he filmed, and the question he posited on long distance relationships. Take a listen to my tips, and my live response to a reader who wrote this:

Hello Christelyn,
I don’t quite know how to start this message other than to jump right in. I’ve dated and had relationships with black (dark men) and the lighter skinned (red men) (still black but light) for most of my life. So I know Im attracted to black men but I CAN’T HELP THAT IM EVEN MORE ATTRACTED TO WHITE GUYS and for this I feel horrible. Partly because I feel as if I discriminating against my own people. Also because some friends of mine “frown” upon dating and liking white men. Once I was making a “joke” and “pretended” that, hey I’ll date a white guy and the backlash sorry BLACKLASH,I received still has me reeling till this day, so I’ve hid my secret love of white guys like it’s some dirty, deep, dark secret when it’s not, when it shouldn’t be. If I had to really think about it, I guess you could say my fascination started back when I was a child and I’d listen to Bryan Adams, Richard Marx, Bon Jovi etc on the radio ,YES I LOVE THE 80’S, fast forward to some years later when we actually could have afforded a Television I discovered they were white. From then on my fascination grew and grew and now I can’t help it any longer. It also doesn’t help that as a plus sized black woman the white guys pay more attention, flirt and show wayyyyyyyyyy more interest in me than men of my own race. In noway am I ready to date black, white, anyone or any race now, as I’m on a path to self discovery and fitness and I’m not ready to put myself out there like that. It’s just that on this path I want to change my way of thinking and fully convince myself that it is ok to be more attracted to a man that is white,than one that is black. Is it???

It’s so disarming how black women are still so racked with guilt over the idea of interracial dating. The guilt and control tactics are real.