The affect of colorism in Black America continues to be a topic of contention. While many of us are dating and marrying interracially, the wounds from feeling rejected based on hue are still raw with many of us. Such an occurrence played out this week on our Facebook fan page, when I posted a video clip of fellow You Tuber, Wes Murphy, who decided to video his first date with a woman who identified herself as black. Some of the commentary:

99% of black women dont look like this. Just like 99% of white people dont look like Snooki from Jersey shore. We need to have a little more pride in our race and stop accepting everyone with a tan as black. If that was true then over 50% of hispanics would be black

But you cant call them black. They have too much pride to ignore their heritage no matter how much some black people want to argue they are black. 

We shouldn’t be so excited to see a white guy with a black woman that we erase black women in the process.

Many black women are so mentally spent and don’t even realize it. A combination of black male standards for whiteness/media and overall lowering of our own standards has black women accepting every single celebrated mixed woman who BLACK MEN would consider black for their own hypocrisy, as black, too. And don’t let a white guy like her – she must be black so we can feel like we are all swirling! (Good man not just a color man- THAT’S the missing link I notice with black women who date inter or intra racial.. but that’s another story. )

We feel so down about ourselves that any “love” thrown our way in any form- even if not really for us – gives us happiness. And we defend it to the end even when its not about us at the end of the day. 

I don’t understand how or when black women’s self esteem dropped so low that so many would defend OTHER women before loving EACH OTHER but I won’t sit by and just let it happen. I WILL call it out. And I don’t care about the same recycled “you must be bitter/jealous/ how dare you” comments. They are always the same- never new. 

I guess my shock to it shouldn’t be new as well but it always takes me back how so many sistas go HARD defending other women and will accept them as black but will down on a Gabby Douglas or Alek Wek in a quick minute! Will applaud the heck out of a black girl being beaten on tape, even!

The kicker for me is this- even many white people, excluding this guy, would see this woman as mixed – but you have black people, particularly black women, fighting for her to be seen as black. If you have to ASK if someone is black- doesn’t that already kinda say its NOT obvious?

If black women fought for their daughters with the same vigor they fought for mixed women, maybe possibly, so many black daughters wouldn’t go looking for “love” in the result of a teen pregnancy or videotaping fights and lewd sexual behavior for “likes” on the internet. 

Maybe If black women spent more time defending BLACK women, black women would be more fit, more desired and more accepted. Instead we fight for black men, mixed women and everyone else.  

And let our own group fall by the wayside.

You may or may not agree with this commentary, but to dismiss it, ignore it, or make no attempt to understand the SOURCE of these feelings is a mistake. That’s why Wes and I decided to do a follow up response video. Take a listen.