Dating isn’t just for fun if you’re looking for the right guy to build a life with. I’m tired of seeing women waste the best years of their reproductive lives on men who aren’t worthy of them. But I’ve also noticed that many of my fans don’t always seem to know what a potentially good man when see one, or don’t know when to cut bait and move on.

Here’s a few things to keep in mind when you’re asking yourself, “So where’s this thing going?”

Your guy could have all the great qualities in the world, but if you’re not attracted to him, then…well…you’re just not. Dating for marriage is a big deal, and if you can find yourself able to stomach kissing, let alone sleeping with and procreating with that man, then you probably need to let him go. That said this comes with a caveat: there’s a fine line between being totally unattracted and being looks obsessed, and the outward appearance trumps all else. I marvel at people who scoff at happy couples because one or both spouses aren’t fitness or Calvin Klein models. Looks fade, but stupid and vapid is forever. Just something to remember before you dump that nuclear engineer who feeds the homeless on weekends and saves kittens from burning buildings because he’s two inches too short for your taste. Just saying.

Whatever those might be, he respects your wishes and won’t continually push you into doing anything you don’t want to do. He won’t press you into a relationship too fast, insist on his way and only his way, or guilt you into having sex before you’re ready. A guy who truly cares about you and your feelings wants you to come to him when you’re ready, because he’ll take pride in earning your trust.

Before my husband and I started dating, he had a bank account with thousands of dollars in it, clipped coupons for his groceries, contributed to his 401K, never had unprotected sex, so there weren’t random babies roaming around. He was never late for work, or never called in sick, and was so honest he wouldn’t even sneak into the movies. He managed his life in a way that displayed his competency to be a good protector and provider. So take a good look at your guy’s life. Does he hop from job to job? Perpetually broke, bad credit, buried in credit card debt or filed for bankruptcy? Does he just have a messy life in general? If you’ve answered “yes” to any of those things, know that more than likely, things will not improve once you merge your life with his.

This is especially important when it comes to interracial relationships. A man who is proud of you will brag to the rooftops on his good luck in finding such an awesome girl. He won’t make excuses as to why you can’t meet his friends and family. He’s not looking over his shoulder to see who might have disapproving eyes. If your guys is displaying any of these behaviors, it’s time to take a serious look at dumping him. Don’t waste your best years begging for him to show you off. It’s not worth it; and neither is he.

Your man says he has big plans to take over the universe. That’s great. Are you sure he plans on having you along for the ride? Discussing the future and including you is a clear indication that your man is expecting you to be a part of his life. If he’s not including you in his five-year plan, it might be time to take a realistic look at how much you’re willing to invest in a long shot.

Is your man willing to delay gratification, follow through on something even when it gets uncomfortable? Personally, is he willing to give up his weekly baseball game with his homies to help you move into your new apartment? The sign of a true man with self discipline is his ability to put the needs of others before his when the situation calls for it. If your guy isn’t ever willing to do something that won’t immediately benefit him, then he might be selfish.

Does your boyfriend celebrate when you’ve made an important milestone, like getting promotion or graduating from school? Does he encourage you to keep it up just when you’re ready to put it down? Good men are secure enough with themselves that they don’t get jealous or feel threatened when good things happen for you. In short–he’s complementing you, not competing with you.

Respect and trust are not demanded, they’re earned. Someone demanding your trust and respect without displaying competency want something for nothing. There’s a lot of men out there who think they are entitled to your trust, respect and resources simply because they possess a penis. A man’s phallus doesn’t automatically entitle him to your submission. Think about it. This man might be the father of your children one day. Pregnancy and childbirth is a time when a woman is most vulnerable and in need of care and protection. Does your guy measure up?

Now is probably a good time to mention that my friend and amazingly brilliant relationship expert, Matthew Hussey knows a thing or 20 on how to find, get and keep the man of your dreams. Click here to find out how.