Yesterday I was on a page (observing the wildlife) of a well-know black-woman-hating You Tuber, who has been the chief bullhorn of the world to trumpet how disgusting, fat loud, uncouth, hair-hatted, and unfit to live black women are, and I couldn’t believe my eyes. He was waxing poetic about how he thought black women where the most beautiful women in the world, and the only reason he says and does what he does (aka, openly wished we would all die and call anyone who comes to our defense a SIMP) is because he just “want us to be our best.”

I could hardly control the throw up that threatened to come in my mouth. I could hardly believe the 180 this half-man, half-monster was making, after years and years of telling black women like me that we’re ugly because we’re dark, and further drive the wedge of colorism by elevating lighter skinned black women as better, and white women as the ultimate and zenith of beauty.

What changed? No doubt this is some manipulation tactic, because no way I believe that the man who spent the last six years bashing us has only done so to “make us better.” What he does is taken from the first page of the abuser handbook. What is even more disheartening is the amount of black women who have financially supported this cretin and encourage him in his debasement against us.

And while he may be the chief of the black-woman-haters crew, he is not its sole voice. There’s a cacophony  of hate speech on You Tube, and a simple phrase “Black Women Are…” in the search bar and hell will unleash.

Meanwhile, as the years progressed, many quality black women have seen the You Tube videos, memes, Twitter exchanges, rap songs, and real-life, statistically quantifiable hatred and distain hurled their way, and have started to ask the right questions and quietly go where they are celebrated, regardless who the melanin content of the people who affirm them.

This has left many decent black men who stayed out of the fray bewildered with the righteous anger we have felt. Many of them rush in and try to minimize the impact of the damage that was done because making it seem as if these hateful men were the minority. But one can’t help but remember who black women were left on their own to fight against these men for our honor. It was a fight we lost, because it was not our duty to fight the men for our honor. That should have been the “good” black man’s job. And so for years they sat in silence while the abuse continued and the din became so loud that it could be heard in the far corners of the world.

Perhaps the good guys were too busy to intervene. Maybe they thought that the rabid beasts who criticized us would make them look better and elevate their status. Or…maybe they thought we weren’t important enough to fight for. After all, it appears the black community thinks it’s the black woman’s job to march and fight. Maybe they thought we wouldn’t do anything, after all, the poor black man hating on us has been damaged by white supremacy, and knows not what he does.

Whatever the reason, we were once again alone in the fight for our honor, like we always have. But instead of begging to be loved (with ACTION not just words) we are leaving.

This was a long time coming.

This was a comment from black female subscriber married to a black man. This pretty much says it all.

Christelyn Karazin First and foremost, your hair is everything, love! I hope you’re doing well. Second, my husband and I have had this recurring discussion about hate on YouTube and other social media outlets. We both are coming to the conclusion that the hatred for black women IS NOT relegated to social media. This hate has been confirmed by my single girlfriends, too, who come to me in tears, themselves. They have given up all hope that they’ll ever be married, and they’re too old to have children of their own. These women have defied every negative stereotype there is; these are great women! And yet, some of the issues they bring to the table sound eerily familiar to what we’re hearing and seeing on YouTube and elsewhere online–but not only in social media. The sexism/misogyny is apparent and rampant in the larger black entertainment community and beyond. Well, through these discussions with my husband who tells me that he still has black male acquaintances (mostly co-workers, but not friends), who are now in their 40s, and who proudly proclaim their hatred for black women. This list of complaints are long and varied, but it seems that even the most perfect black woman is never perfect enough. So Angel wonders why black women are finally saying enough is enough, which leaves good black men baffled. But these good men need to understand the damage that is being done. And I wanted to implore you–please understand that it’s not just on social media. My brother and some of my male cousins also echo similar hate rhetoric as well. Somehow, some way, Angel and other good guys must come to terms with this. I do not know how to eradicate this hate other than perhaps sisters need to take a page out of the Greek play, Lysistrata, and practice self respect and self-restraint until men–ALL MEN–understand how valuable women are. Now, I know that it’s easy for me to say as a married woman and harder for single women, but I can’t think of anything else right now. Too many men have it in their minds that they no longer have to pursue women; they are the prize and they have access to hordes of women—so why settle down? And why be with black women, too? Because here’s the kicker: Many of these black men who claim to hate black women because “black women are this” and “black women do that” really do not believe these things. They really don’t. Many of them just use the excuse that black women aren’t good enough to give themselves cover for (a) refusing to settle down and/or (b) choosing to be with non-black/white women. That’s what I think this is really about. Is there hatred? Yes, because these men want to control women and have no respect for women in general. But really what’s driving the hatred are (a) and (b). If single women–in general–closed their legs until a man proves himself worthy of them, perhaps things will change. This is NOT blaming women; it is an acknowledgement that we have more power and can exercise more agency over our lives than we think we do.