Good Morning Christelyn!

My name is Jatrice (like Patrice, but with a J), and I’m 24 from Arkansas. I’ve been a subscriber for about two years, and I love your videos and the messages you advocate for black women. I have a recent situation that frustrates me to no end, and I was wondering if I could receive some advice. I understand your extremely busy schedule, so I’ll try to summarize as best I can. Hopefully it’s not too much of a read 🙂

At birth, I was born with a head full of hair have had long hair my entire life. My mother started perming my hair around age 6 because in her mind, straightened hair is seen as professional and desirable, while ‘nappy’ natural hair is seen as dirty and illkempt.

In my first semester of college, I was going through a bad breakup and wanted a bit of a change, so I gave myself bangs. She was furious and since then has not let go of the fact that I cut my hair. Now that I’m out of college, working mostly clerical jobs, and dating my white boyfriend Tyler, she’s revived her old school opinion that I should never go natural because “It’s not ideal for a professional image”, “It’s more of an upkeep than permed, straightened hair”, and her newest opinion, “If you marry white, your hair needs to be straight because white people don’t like nappy hair.”

She's in her 60s, so I understand her mentality, but she's stuck in her ways and almost refuses to believe that standards are changing or can possibly change. I do understand where she's coming from, but I'm 24 years old and it's MY hair. If I want to save the hair I have and cease putting harsh chemicals in it, that should be my choice, but she refuses to see that. Besides, it's just hair. It'll grow back. Plus there are other ways to wear straightened hair without a perm (am I right?)

I'm currently in the process of moving to Georgia to be closer to my boyfriend and start a new life, so my hovering, helicopter mother is in constant 'nag' mode, especially with my hair since she's been the main 'beautician'. I never said I was going natural, but it's been a huge consideration of mine.

I've said all of that to ask this; should I continue to listen to my mother, or continue to try and convince her that it's my hair and I should do what I believe is best? Thank you in advance for replying if possible. I'd greatly appreciate it!

Continue your good work!