Black women have had no shortage of outlets to discuss, hand-wring, and debate how and why black men have not, for some reason or another, failed a collective to address certain issues endemic to African Americans. And even when black men try to own their shit, there’s a black woman there, quick to be defensive and remind him why it’s never his fault. Not ever.

Exhibit A:

And look at the subsequent convo:

I said this:

Why are you in here trying to make excuses for men when one is trying to make an effort to elevate and not make so much damn excuses? Why are you feeling the need to wipe the asses of black men like they’re babies? Let them BE MEN. Sorry to be mean, but your type of knee-jerk coddling and defense is part of the problem.

Honestly I wish black women like you would just be quiet. You contribute to my continued oppression and degradation of my image.

But Ken himself said it best:

I continue to be mystified at how black women are so willing to stand in between black men and the realities of life, making excuses, ignoring, facts, taking mocking and abuse from the very people they are trying to save, all without any real reciprocity. The roles have shifted completely, with the women are protecting the men to the death while the women are often left twisting in the wind. And you know what? It’s partly our fault, for our outright refusal to hold our sons, fathers, brothers, cousins, whoever accountable and responsible for their end of the ongoing crisis in the black community.

Perhaps it’s because 73% of black women are raising these men, and to stand aside as they fall on their faces is like admitting defeat, and that we’re not as “strong and independent” and free of needing any man to help us raise the boys. Because to accept their fault, we have to face ours. And some of us just can’t bring ourselves to do that.