Finn Nightley https://finnspen.wordpress.com

I really do not understand the concept of jealousy. Though I admit, I have felt it from time to time. I don’t understand why people let it fester and become an issue in their lives, more so, why they feel the need to poison others’ lives with their jealousy. I have been trying not to think about it this way, but I have been a victim of jealousy recently, and it does not feel good. I won’t get into details, but it has to do with my romantic relationship, so I think most people can get an idea of where I’m coming from. It wasn’t my immediate conclusion, but after describing my situation to a few other people and they all said the same thing, that this person was jealous of me; I began to consider it. And some of her most recent actions toward me have also confirmed it.

One thing I will say is this: I really do not understand why people feel that being in a relationship will make them happy and will be the answer to all of their problems. I have never believed this more than now that I am in a relationship. I am happy to be in a relationship and my boyfriend does his best to make me feel better and distract me from the issues in my life. But when he’s not there, it’s just me, alone, with those issues and I alone have to deal with them. He cannot protect me and he cannot save me. And it honestly feels like more bad things have happened to me since I’ve gotten into my relationship than before I was in one, including this person supposedly being jealous of me.

There are so many things that I wish that I could have right now. Like have a job, in my field. Money to pay off my debt of tuition, for which I am being summoned to court. My paper diploma and transcripts so I can apply to graduate school. My own place so I’m not living at home. Honestly, right now, I feel like all I have is my relationship. Yet people who have much more than me are jealous of me. I really don’t understand that.

Recently, I was for a moment, jealous of a friend of mine with whom I used to work. She got a new job and was able to quit the retched old job that we both worked; from which I was fired. When I first heard the news that she had a new job and had left that place, I was elated for her. But when I found out that her new job was a position that I had applied for months before, I admit, I felt a twinge of jealousy. I was upset and wondered what she had that I didn’t that lead her to this job and not me. She, who had a job already and myself, going from not getting any responses at all to having an endless string of interviews and still no match.

But when I began to think about it, I realized that there are many reasons why she deserves this job more than I did. She has a Master’s degree. She had a higher position at the job where we both worked and therefore her experience was more tailored to the position. She is getting married soon and has an apartment and a lot more bills and more immediate expenses and responsibilities than I do. I concluded that she needs this job a lot more than I do right now. Once I came to that conclusion, I was happy for her again; and she is none the wiser.

Not only that, but in my quest to keep my positivity and morale up, I know that I am constantly working to resolve these issues and know that eventually they will be resolved. Maybe a better job is waiting for me somewhere and it’s just a matter of time before I get it. Maybe my boyfriend will reenlist into the military and if we were to get married, his GI Bill could help cover the cost of my debt and further tuition. I even have other opportunities that I could take advantage of that would have me traveling and doing both print and broadcast journalism, instead of being chained to a desk editing. I have a feeling that the window of opportunity that will open for me will be a bay window, so I keep my hopes up. I’m trying to use this time as vacation, to rest up for a time when I’ll be so busy that I could only dream of sitting at home all day writing blogs.

I suppose its different when dealing with relationships, or the lack there of. But I really don’t think it is. If you want a relationship that bad, you prepare yourself. You do what you have to do to get into one, and eventually, you will find one. You don’t do all the wrong things and make all the wrong moves and then blame others for your misfortune. It does you no good to fault another for being in a relationship because you’re not. And it does even less for you to try to transfer your issues to that other person. They did not cause your issues and they do not deserve to have to carry the burden of them, nor it will not lessen your burden.

Jealousy is a feeling; it is unavoidable. But it is important to not let it affect your life in negative ways. Being jealous does not help you get what you want any faster. In fact, it impedes you reaching your goals or getting the things you desire, because you are too busy being jealous to go about getting them.