Something we don’t talk about directly, but often talk “around” is the issue of class and swirling. Many of us–not all, but more than a few–started dating interracially as we realized that our interests didn’t jibe with the pre-approved practices of the GAT-DL (for you newbies, that’s Guardians of All Things Dark & Lovely). The first time I began to realize that I was climbing out of my working class background and into nebulous territory happened when a guy I dated called me a b*tch for using three-syllable words like “in-ter-sect.”

This happens for many black women when they go to college, and in addition gettin’ their learnin’ a whole new world opens up–you begin to learn what all those forks and knives are for on a full place setting, you realize you like going plays that don’t feature Tyler Perry, and you like to go to museums. Truth time: The Hubster was raised in a different class than I was. But bless him, he found much of what I didn’t know endearing. But I caught on quickly that others in his social circle wouldn’t be as tolerant of my foibles as he was. I got a Emily Post book, post-haste.

That my dears, is what it means to ‘climb out of your class.”

Class ascension is an essential component to meeting a high value man. This of course isn’t new to women of other races, but as usual, many of us have collectively missed the memo. But know this: in order to be granted entrance into an exclusive club, you need to know the secret handshake.

The “secret handshake” is the following:

–The ability to speak the acceptable American version of The King’s English,

–At least a general knowledge of current events,

–Some experience and appreciation of the arts,

–The ability to handle oneself well in a social setting

–A willingness to learn

Notice how NONE of those things have to do with color, weight, or physical attractiveness? Of course those things matter too, but you can be gorgeous and thin, but if you’re a social H.A.M., those stellar looks you have matter not. Like Law Wanxi often says, there’s nothing sexier than a smart woman. Back in the day, European women were groomed in the ways of seduction–hair, face, fashion, and BRAINS!

"The Happy Lovers,"Jean-Honoré Fragonard

What do you notice about this depiction? This chick might as well be dangling a carrot. This was painted in the 1700’s, and I can guarantee you that from the way these cats are dressed, they are of the nobility. As such, the girl is more than a pretty face. She probably knows Latin, how to carry a conversation, how not to laugh like a donkey and how to dangle her sexuality and mystery just so. In return for her preparation and grooming, she widens her pool of eligible men who will provide and protect her and their offspring. I know this old-fashioned stuff makes some of ya’ll prickle, but I challenge you to look at the evidence. As beautiful as Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton are to some, do you observe any high value men of good breeding, good families and wealth wifing them up? Will they ever be Kate Middleton, the future Queen of England? I’ll eat Clo Clo’s dirty, sweating, stinking play shoes if they do.

The problem is, nobody but your family will admit how important all these things are. You either know it, or you don’t know it, if you don’t know it you’re excluded. Why? Because you’ll be embarrassing. But unlike the days of old, where positions related to class were firmly established and hard to claw out of, we do, in fact, like in America, and argue with me all you want, but it IS a meritocracy. America rewards people who come from nothing to make great successes of themselves. Successful Americans don’t know their place if it’s not at the head of the table.

Just something to chew on with your five-course dinner.