And when I say, “slap” I mean figuratively. So Chris, if you’re reading this, un-ball your fist.

Le geez! I’m watching “The Insider” tonight and see as per usual, Rihanna has captured the headlines. I hardly ever pay attention to these segments, because frankly, Rihanna’s repetitive lyrical style (un-da my um-brella eh eh eh eh eh un-da my um-brella eh eh eh eh eh eh) makes me want to stick a gun in my mouth and just end it all.

BUT! This particular story–an interview she did in this month’s Esquire, and is forced to ‘splain herself because the reporter point blank asks her why she would continue to associate with someone who put her in the hospital. She gets angry and defensive, no surprise there. But what’s truly galling is that she actually thought that her collaboration with Mr. Girlfriend Beater would be well received just speaks volumes to where this chick’s head is at.

See for yourself:

Esquire: What has been the Twitter response to the Chris Brown remixes?

Rihanna: Some love it, some hate it, some love it but hate that we did it. But the response in the end has been incredible.

Esquire: Was that [the recording session] the first time you’d seen him in a while?

Rihanna: When would we have seen each other? We’ve both been working and touring. [changes the subject]. This is really good food.

Esquire: It proved quite a controversial thing.

Rihanna: Well…definitely. Definitely. It caught me a little off-guard to be honest…especially the amount of…negative attention. Because it never occurred to me how this was a problem, you know. It really didn’t. [Break here–it caught you OFF GUARD?! Really? Omg the humanity…]

Esquire: Because enough time had passed that it was OK?

Rihanna: I thought people were gonna be surprised that we finally did a record together, but I didn’t see how people could think it was a bad thing, you know? In my mind, it was just music.

Esquire: Some people felt it sent the wrong message.

Rihanna: [Angrily] What was that? What message would that be?

Esquire: You’d gone back to someone who put you in the hospital.

Rihanna: [Getting angry] Oh really? Did I?

Esquire: Well… yes.

Rihanna: Did I? Did I? Did I? [There we go with the repetitiveness. Is it a tick, maybe?]

Esquire: You went and recorded with him, yes.

Rihanna: Okay. In a completely professional environment. And on a complete professional note. I mean, if I went back to him [as a girlfriend], then that’s a whole different discussion. And if I ever do, then that’s something that y’all have to talk to me about when – if – that ever happens. Until then, look at it for what it is. I think a lot of people jumped to an assumption that was incorrect and they ended up looking stupid.

Esquire: The assumption you were dating again?

Rihanna: Because of a song. How stupid. If I was together with every collaborator I worked with… f-ck my life.

Esquire: Still, the lyrics didn’t do much to dispel that impression. His opening line is “Girl I want to f**k you right now/been a long time/I’ve been missing your body”. You reply: “Remember how you did it/If you still want to kiss it/Then come and get it”.

Rihanna: That was the tone before he was even on the record. You think it was going to be about hopscotch or jump rope?

Esquire: So neither of you for a minute thought “This is going to put the cat among the pigeons”?

Rihanna: I could never see anything wrong with making music. [Is that what they call it now??]

Esquire: Maybe the thing is that as an artist your personal and private life are intertwined, and you’ve already played on this. The first song you put out after the beating incident was “Love the Way You Lie,” about domestic violence.

Rihanna: Absolutely. But “Love The Way You Lie” was me as an artist working with Eminem as an artist, telling our stories individually. On a track together. I’m lost. I’m confused as to what you’re trying to get at. [Yes, Ri Ri. You are TRULY confused.]

Esquire: That it’s hard to separate the person who’s been the victim of domestic violence and the pop star singing about domestic violence.

Rihanna: I know. And that’s how f-cked up society is. There’s a lot of s**t y’all can’t get over. Y’all holding your breath on a lot of stuff that doesn’t matter. When you realize who you live for, and who’s important to please, a lot of people will actually start living. I am never going to get caught up in that. I’m gonna look back on my life and say that I enjoyed it – and I lived it for me- and God. This is turning into a tacky interview. What do you really want to talk about? I’m not here to [talk] about messy s**t. [OMG…did she just pull the G-card?!]
Esquire: It’s just what’s been making the headlines recently.

Rihanna: OK! So do you want to talk about everything on Google? Or do you want to talk about stuff that my fans want to know? Let’s get to the real stuff. The stuff that’s important.

Esquire: What do your fans want to know?

Rihanna: You tell me, as a journalist. You’re asking the questions and I give you the answers. I can’t give the questions too.

Esquire: I’m sorry it’s upset you.

Rihanna: It hasn’t upset me. It upsets me that you keep asking the same kind of questions about stuff that’s trivial. What’s there to talk about? Are all your questions like that? Let’s move onto the next one. [Wait. Are you upset, or not? Make up your mind, woman!!]

Esquire: It’s just that you haven’t given an interview for a while. A lot has happened.
Rihanna: You think I haven’t given an interview for a while? I did four this morning.

Esquire: Did they go any better than this?

Rihanna: We’ll see [when they come out] tomorrow

———–

Not to be all, “What about the children??” about it, but…what about the children?! You know, like the 14 year-old girls like Maxi Me who have your repetitive nonsense on their iTunes, and watch every move you make, chica? What about what a joke you’ve made the issue of domestic violence and it’s victims, and how hopelessly clueless you seem?

Maybe folks need to take a look at how much heat they’re putting on Chris-the-Beater, while giving Rihanna a pass. You got all the money in the world and nobody told you you shouldn’t be running up after somebody who beat the tar out of you?

*drops mic*

*picks up mic*

Kudos to Esquire for asking her questions and holding her accountable. GAT-DL news would do no such thing. Guess that’s why she was so taken aback.