Etiquette 101: Tech Manners

At her family’s annual Christmas dinner last year, a friend of mine shared with me how her large Italian family failed to engage in the hearty conversation filled with laughs, jokes and catch-up on the past years activities. Instead, the table was a little more silent as every one pulled out their Ipads, Iphones, androids and other devices. Instead of a united conversation amongst the party of 15, more private conversations between 2 or 3 family members was the new normal as they laughed and pointed at images on their pads and phones shutting out those around them while others in their party of one, were texting to people not present at the gathering. The united conversation only resumed when the food was served and the devices were put away (so nothing would spill and ruin them of course).

I am grateful for the advances in technology that have made life easier, but I am concerned with how technology is affecting our relationships with family, friends, and the people around us and pose the question has it made us more inconsiderate? Detached? Desensitized? How can we take full advantage of all that our devices have to offer without sacrificing the human contact we need to exist and thrive? I would like to provide the following suggestions.

1. Don’t use emails or texting for serious conversations that need to be discussed over the telephone or in person.

I have heard about people being fired from their jobs by fax, breaking off their engagement to their fiancée’ by text message and other methods to avoid personal contact when addressing unpleasant topics People deserve the respect of personal contact from you on such serious matters.

2. If you must text, use complete words and sentences.

Refrain from using abbreviations excessively (lol, TTYL, etc.). If your message is more than a few sentences, call the person.

3. If you are having a meal with someone or a guest at someone’s home, put the devices away.

I was having dinner with my father at an Italian restaurant one evening when I saw a woman across from us scrolling through her emails and slurping her soup as her husband quietly ate his salad. It did not appear (though I could stand corrected) that the information she was reading through was urgent, just a casual scrolling through information like reading a newspaper.  If you have to take or make an important call then quietly excuse yourself and take care of the call. If you are alone, speak quietly as not to disturb the other patrons, but most important it is rude to ignore the people you are dining with. People should be more important than the devices.

4. If you are driving, put the devices away or use a Bluetooth.

Not much to add to this except that your life is not worth it or the hefty fines if you are pulled over by an officer. I know we know the drill, but I cannot tell you how many times I have been behind a car that was driving very slowly or swerving and I drive around them only to see them texting or driving one hand on the steering wheel and holding a phone in the other engaging in an intense conversation oblivious to or ignoring the parade they are leading as people have to slow up to accommodate them until they can switch lanes. I have caught my share of men but the biggest culprits I have noticed are women! If the call is important and you are distracted, pull over.

5. Do not use your laptops, cell phones or Ipads at work or school unless the teachers or your manager has approved it.

Cheating is the biggest problem teachers have when students use their devices unauthorized. The biggest problem employers have is decreased productivity because even though they put restrictions on the company computers, they have no control over their employee’s personal devices. In either case it is not worth the hassle, use your devices on breaks. In this economy especially, it is not worth putting your job in jeopardy over.

6. Do not contribute to noise pollution with  “cell yell”, sharing private conversations with an unsuspecting public, or playing your Ipod/Mp3 player to loudly.

If the other person cannot hear you and you have to resort to yelling, end the call and find a spot with good reception. Use tact when speaking of private things in public. (My personal suggestion is DON’T DO IT) I was in line at the store one day and the young woman behind me was on her cell speaking about a girl her cousin was dating and I was getting an earful of vulgar language and information about this girl I did not need to know. It made me uncomfortable and people in front of me were starting to look back as the young woman’s conversation got louder and more graphic in detail.  The loud Ipod/mp3 player I find to be a transgression of teens and young adults the most. If I can hear every word the person is singing through your headphones it is way too loud, turn it down.

7. Go organic

Spending quality time alone or with friends and family without the devices is priceless. Restore the art of good wholesome conversation, shut everything off on a regular basis and just talk or enjoy the silence together. I suggest you take a Sabbath once a week and shut your cell and other devices off for 24 hours and just “be” I used to have a second cell phone that I gave to key people in case of an emergency but shut my main cell off to just replenish and heal.

In our tech busy world we have to take time to be human and remember those around us are human as well. It might be faster to text your loved one an “I love you”, but it would be more generous to say it. Modern technology can help us check our spelling but cannot help us check our hearts; we alone are responsible for that.