An unfortunate theme I see in level-up spaces is the almost inevitable departure from the group/subscriber base when someone says something that rubs them the wrong way. If something hits a little too close to home, rather than take the meat of the message and spit out the bones, they storm off in a huff because they got offended.

It could be something as simple as “lose the weight, you will look and feel better when you shed those extra pounds”, and rather than accept that as wise, well-intentioned advice, they will say that it’s her body, her choice as she continues a path of self destruction, paved with hypertension and diabetic retinopathy. When someone says “maybe you should get some therapy because your mental health is in shambles”, you can get hit with the catch-all “mind your business” or “that’s just the way I am, take it or leave it!”, or some version of that Marilyn Monroe quote “if you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best”. Or, when you refuse to babysit your friend’s third baby by the latest walking penis to enter her life, she will say you’re a bad friend and threaten to cut ties because you hold firm to the belief that you don’t do things you’re good at for free.

I am by no means perfect, and I will never claim to be. But to reject wisdom because I don’t like the messenger or the tone of the message irks me, only hurts me. If there is no malice behind the message, is it so hard to take the pieces that you serve you and ignore the rest?

Honestly, it doesn’t bother me when people choose to go against their best interests. It used to, but not anymore.

Why?

Everyone can’t come.

Unfortunately some women want to LUINO – level up in name only. They want the handsome, rich husband, 2 children, and the white picket fence in the suburbs. Or they want the high flying corporate life, but call foul when others are not playing fair, but playing to win. To expect those things without doing some serious self-work is a fool’s errand. And when someone calls you to task for believing so…here comes the taking of the offense.

Consider why something offends you.

If I came on this post and said, “in my opinion, I believe obesity is ugly across the board, and the “healthy at every size” movement is a whole scam”, would you be offended? Why?

If I said, “most black women are not ready/don’t want to be their best self, and will secretly seethe when other black women are”, how would you take that?

Getting to the bottom of why something offends you is a part of leveling up. The way you respond to difficult opinions and truths, even when you vehemently disagree, is growth.

Does this post offend you?