I’m just sayin it ain’t gonna hurt to have a picture like they did back in Ye Olde Days before selfies became such a lame substitute for showing the rest of us what’s goin on in your life. I mean, at least make me believe you are putting some kind of effort into this. You’ve decided to do it, so lets do it right!
Ok, so we want YOU. Now I know I just mentioned your friends takin pics here, but that’s where ya gotta draw the line. You want you on one side of that camera and your friends on the other. You are not doing yourself any favors posting pics of you and all your friends. Mens eyes do wander, ya know.
Hey, let me ask you something. Ya ever see that couple sitting there and the man is lookin at every woman who walks by? He ain’t even hiding it! His eyes are all over the place except for the one Lady he should be paying attention to. Yeah, you see where I’m goin with this. You gotta sell you, not your friends. The spotlight should be on you and you alone and as dear to you as they may be, ya don’t need them stealing your spotlight on your profile right there in front of ya.
And finally when it comes to pics…yes, we all know it helps to be attractive. That’s a huge advantage that works in a few people’s favor. For the rest of us that fall into a slightly different category, put your best effort into looking your absolute best and don’t sweat it after that. Ya just gotta be the best YOU that you can be. Be the kinda YOU that makes me wanna take my hand off my mouse and look at ya up close.
Here’s a few dos and donts for you to consider.
And no selfies, dammit. No duck face selfies. They make me look like I’m lookin at a toilet that needs to be flushed when I see them.
All right, we are building that profile! We got pics that rock and make men stop and say, “Who is this siren who charms me so? I must hear her song.”
Or something like that.
So what’s your username and tag line? Not a lot to dwell on here. Mainly a huge stinkin big ass pile of DON’T.
Don’t pick a username with “lonely” or “desperate” or any derivative of that foul word. You’d be surprised. Those find a way to get in there and I find a way to get outta there. Like right freakin now!
As always, something relevant, fun, upbeat and positive. Or maybe real low key. Like “Bubbles72”. Safe and unobtrusive if that’s how ya wanna express yourself here.
Now your tag line, again stay away from things indicating you got a problem, you had a problem or you don’t want no more problems. Here’s a few I see that make me go all clickee clickee on the next chick.
“Looking for a good man.”
“Just want one man to prove to me they’re not all the same.”
“Tired of games and BS”
“Sick of all the liars and players around here.”
Damn, woman. Sounds like you been livin a bad country music song and I don’t plan on finding out who’s singin it either.
And by the way, is anyone here NOT lookin for a good man? This tells me you’ve been around the bad ones and I’m gonna get stuck dealing with your issues.
Clickee clickee.
So, Fashionista88 or CajunGirl or whoever you’re callin yourself, lets talk about what to write.
Yeah, you gotta write something so deal with it. Now I know, I know, Frustrated In Florida. You say men never read your profile and only look at your pics. Maybe scummy men. Maybe men who make you frustrated. But rest assured men of discriminating taste, sophistication and refinement do indeed read what you write. We do it for 2 reasons. Well, maybe 3.
Reason 1: I wanna weed out the riff raff who can’t spell, compose a sentence or have the communication skills of a fruit fly. For gods sake, show me you can string multiple coherent thoughts together into something I can work with. Don’t write your profile in texty talk either. Save that for people you know, not for the people you are trying to sell yourself to.
Reason 2: I’m reading your profile cuz I’m workin out the angle I’m gonna use to hit on you. I’m not gonna send you a message that simply says, ” sup girl” or “u r hawt hit me up.”
No, I’m gonna read what ya wrote and make mention of it in a chance to build rapport with you in the hopes I hear back from ya. Like I said, give me something to work with and I’m gonna take it and shape it into my approach when I message you.
Talk about cool stuff, interesting stuff, act like you’re sitting across the table just talkin to the guy. Hell, sip some moscato or Southern Comfort, lower those inhibitions and let your creativity floooooooow. Put stuff out there that you want a guy to discuss with you. Or, if you’re feeling a bit adventuresome mention you’ve always wanted to try sailing, hang gliding, surfing, roller coaster-ing, etc. Ya never know who’s gonna sail up to ya and invite you out with him.
Reason 3: I’m reading it cuz you made me take my hand off my mouse and I’m rubbing my chin, arching my brow and thinkin,
“I’m digging this chick. Like, totally.”
We wanna get to know you. We wanna see what’s on your mind. We wanna see if you’d ever go out with a guy like us. We’re sitting there thinking how we’re gonna find that out about you and what to say to you.
SO DON’T GO KILLIN THE VIBE WITH A BUNCHA BITCHING!
Yeah, major mood killer right there. Like, worse than your dad walkin in on ya. Or even worse, walkin in on your dad. GACK!!!
Ok Ladies, now I know all about the freakshow that ya gotta put up with when it comes to online dating. I do. I’ve seen it myself. Tis a sad and sorry fact of life that there’s just always gonna be those men who have a special way of contaminating everything they come in contact with. Unfortunately there is nothing that can be done about that freak factor in OnlineDatingLand. Nothing at all. But how you deal with it has a huge impact when it comes to your online appeal. Seriously, it does.
Ok, now I know you have it rough. I know you’re fighting off the perils of pervs and my heart bleeds for you, but please…PLEASE don’t go makin the good ones wary about you because you choose to bitch about the bad ones. You are selling you, remember? So use that personal spotlight wisely. Use it as a chance to entice me into thinking about how I want to have dinner with you not wondering if you’d be as whiny and complainy during that dinner as you are presenting yourself to me online.
Just do us both a favor and keep your dirty laundry discreetly hidden and dealt with outta view. We don’t want to sit and read about how you’re sick of liars, players, serial daters, cheaters, married men or whatever. I’m sorry you gotta deal with that stuff, but I’m not gonna say I’m sorry for telling you to keep it out of view. It makes us wonder if you’re pissed with issues and how much of that is gonna bleed over onto me.
Clickee clickee
I mean, why do women all gotta sit around and bitch all the time? I just want to find one good woman who doesn’t bitch about every single thing. Just one woman to prove to me they are not all the same!!!
So see how that rant about bitching really killed our mood we had goin here? That’s kinda how we feel when we gotta read Ladies rants about their experience with us men on dating sites. It sucks, doesn’t it? Ya probably don’t like me very much now, do you? Ya wanna have dinner with me next week?
CLICKEE CLICKEE
Heh heh…online dating Jedi Mind Trick at work there. Lets get back to the positive and see if I can make you like me again 😉
So yeah, the men you want do indeed read your profile as well as look at your pics! We do! We like a Lady who can wow us with her words. Intelligence is sexy. Witty banter is really sexy. We like to see how ya think.
And just between you and I, I’ve never had a bad result telling someone,
“I like the way you think ;-)”
That Sadist / ER doctor I mentioned earlier said that to me one night. I liked it. It stuck with me. I remember how it made me feel when she said that to me.
So I stole it and I say it all the time!!!
So see, all that stuff I talked about aside, I’ve always felt an online dating profile is like a 401k for your romantic goals and objectives. While we’re out there in real life, toiling and laboring away our amorous investments are working for us 24/7 in ways we aren’t even aware of. At the end of the day ya check your accounts and see how your portfolio did and make your choice to buy or sell from there. This should be one facet of your everyday life, not actually be your everyday life.
Now, just like Santa Claus, I have a list. And I’m checkin it twice. And I’m gonna look at your profiles and see who’s naughty and nice.
If you’re nice, chances are your inbox is already full and ya won’t get to my message for a week or so. Nice problem to have, huh?
But if you’re naughty?
Your gonna get a message from me sayin “sup girl I wanna git wit u”
Don’t rack your brains out. 
All you need do is hit us up at: christelyn
