I recently read that an Shae Primus, Atlanta matchmaker has recently admonished black women for not giving men who have had same-sex relationships a chance, even if they themselves have engaged in same-sex experimental lifestyles for brief periods of time.
During a discussion on her company message board, Shae Primus shocked members by suggesting women give men who have experimented with same-sex relationships a chance. “It’s unfair that many women have had same-sex experiences, but at the same time, they judge men who have experimented with the same sex. Even if a guy has had one experience, most women will totally write him off as undateable.”
Primus says many of these women have gone through bisexual phases, decided the lifestyle is not for them and yet still expect a man to step up and marry them. As a result of the double standard, she says men who have experienced same-sex relationships or consider themselves bisexual are forced to lie or simply give up dating women. Instead of totally running at the first sign of a same-sex past, Primus suggests women have an open dialogue with a potential partner to determine if he is still in that lifestyle or not before totally writing him off. [SOURCE]
Words cannot express how vehemently I disagree with this woman. Because “same sex” experimenting with women vs. men is very different and carry a separate set of risks. First off, black men having sex with men–either gay or bisexual–accounts for a tremendous percentage of new HIV/AIDS cases.
Jonathan Mermin, director of the CDC’s Division of HIV/AIDS Prevention, estimated in a U.S. News and World Reportarticle that “gay and bisexual men are over 40 times more likely to have HIV than heterosexuals.” He also pointed out disparities in racial and ethnic groups, saying, “We see marked racial disparities, 60% of youth with HIV infections were African American, 20% were Latino and 20% were white. … And black gay and bisexual men made up 54% of new HIV infections.”
Conversely there is literally NO cases of HIV/AIDS transmission between lesbians.
Let that sink in for a moment. Lesbians are not spreading a potentially deadly sexually transmitted disease. Bisexual and Gay men DO. This matchmaker can talk all she wants about “double standards,” but this one is based on actual SCIENCE.
It continues to baffle me that black women like this join the hoards of other “relationship coaches” who specialize in helping black women be not so single by suggesting the most bizarre (go to strip clubs), self destructive (lower your standards), and desperate (date a bisexual man when you’re straight) before they will simply suggest that heterosexual black women open their dating pools to include heterosexual men of ALL races is downright criminal. The fact that this matchmaker has the dubious title as “certified” means that hoards of gullible black women might take her advice and potentially put their health and well-being at risk.