I’ve been in a lot of discussions with the Bae lately. And it’s nice to have someone around who won’t allow me to get into my ‘ish’ where I pick at old wounds and beat up myself over absolutely nothing. See, though I’m here giving out advice and talking all righteous about the ways and means in which you can conquer the world, I often have my own times when I feel less than stellar. The advice I’m giving you is being used and recycled by yours truly.

“Everyone is different. Every person is awkward in their own way. That’s what makes people unique. You’re too hard on yourself”, says #TBM and I know he’s right. Not only do I know he’s right because he’s a smart dude who says insightful and kind things, but I know he’s right because I’ve heard this over and over again from others so I know this to be true.

But still. It’s easy to get caught up in your own feelings of insecurity when you feel like you bought too much attention to yourself by doing something out of the blue, random, or just plain wrong. It’s convenient to beat up on yourself when you do less than what you had hoped to do. It’s typical to kick yourself in the arse when you feel like you have failed the expectations of society.

People can often taunt those who are a little different and they do this to hide their own insecurities and need to be accepted. So for all of you out there who consider themselves awkward; or even those of you who suspect that you are awkward; or even if you were accused of being awkward way back in the day; I want you to hear me loud and clear!

Being awkward only means that you march to the beat of your own drum. The good news is that when it comes to men the cooler, the more open minded and fun ones LOVE a woman who is unlike any other.

The exact thing that you think makes you weird/awkward/strange are the exact things certain men will love about you.

How you like them apples!?

I tell you no lies…. I’ve been told men found me endearing because I have a unique laugh. In my mind, I howl like a banshee, I guffaw and will even, on occasion, snort while I laugh. While I know most women try to keep public attention to a minimum, I know my laugh is huge and often causes others to laugh along with me. I am silly and can’t help to indulge in the comical thoughts in my head. I like to laugh and have fun.

I’ve had men search me out after having heard my loud, obnoxious (to me) laugh. I giggle, too, which men love, so when it’s all said and done having the ability to bring happiness to others because of my snort/guffaw might not be such a bad thing.

I wear my hair in whatever condition it is when I wake up in the morning.

This has been me since high school and I’ve hated having to sit and have my hair combed or styled since infancy. Ponytails and buns keep the coils under control when I am required to look sane, otherwise, my kink explodes in dramatic existence and people love it. I was teased about my ‘bird’s nest’ from other black girls when I was a kid. I’ve also had to sit through countless questions from upturned nose black women who tried to convince me to ‘do’ something with my hair. Luckily my tender scalp and self determination won the war. I am my hair and it, like me, needs to be free.

My hair may not be standard and it may have been the cause of my getting teased as a child but I swear to you right here, right now, that everybody knows me due to my kinky, big, bright red/auburn afro coils. I may not fit in to the status quo, but you can’t help but to keep your eyes and me and see me coming or going. Not such a bad thing when one is looking to make an impression with the potentials, eh?

I blurt out random shit during casual conversation.

Though I am empathetic to others, I am also impulsive and will often say the first thing on my mind. This isn’t common since many people like to keep their comments and conversations based on a few boring and mundane topics.

Not I, says Tracy. Nope, I will meet you and observe you and will blurt out something about your personal life, or how you remind me of someone. You will cause me to recall a memory and I will tell you the story about it. Never Mind that we’re here for an interview and that I’m a little ‘excitable’ because my instant bestie vibes has caused me to leave potential places of employment with good wishes, extra information and brand new buddies.

I know the fact that I don’t stay on topic is awkward. I’ve tried but just can’t help myself. I feel still and rigid and meeting new people is hard enough so I just go with the flow. I also know that talking about your twin toddlers, or your beautiful eyes, or how your last name reminds me of my favorite childhood teacher is way more impactful and interesting than the details that are on my resume which you can get to later on. We’re talking about you right now, who doesn’t love that?

Another totally awkward thing I do is try to do things I have no idea of how to do without hesitation.

“Tracy, you wanna fly this helicopter real quick?”

“Um, fu*k yeah!”

I will proceed to give anything the old college try… bruises, scrapes, and neck injuries included. I could worry that I’m making an ass of myself and may look stupid by trying to do something I know that I am unfamiliar with but instead I go for it. Why? Why not…? How am I supposed to learn if I won’t get out there and do the dirty work? The best teacher is first hand experience. Besides, people don’t often laugh at you when you put caution to the wind and try. Most people, especially men, will think you are a kick ass woman for having the kahunas to get out there and get your hair mussed up.

Most people will envy your bravery.

Most people will want to get to know someone who shows such fearlessness.

Go ‘head.. you are fearless.

Not stupid.

Not dumb.

Not making a fool of yourself.

I trip over my own two feet. Men run to my side to assist me with walking, something any two year old can do pretty well, but hey, I don’t complain.

When I was a teenager I tucked my skirt into my pantyhose and walk across the college cafeteria while wearing hot pink thingamajigs. Once it was bought to my attention did I want to curl up and die on the spot? Yeah. Did people laugh and point? Yeah. A few people also came over and reassured me that it happens to the best of us, and a few guys gave me a thumbs up for my choice in undergarment selection.  You didn’t know my name before that incident but they knew of me after it!

I don’t ‘get’ jokes; I analyze information too much to get the gist of many jokes. I stand wide eyed waiting on the punch line after the punch line has already been delivered. I look around the knowing faces in a crowd as they laugh at something that totally went over my head. They explain the joke and what the irony of the joke is. I break into a smile. I get it. It’s just five minutes after the fact. So, sue me…

Not knowing what to do, what to say or how to react can be a pain in the neck sometimes. Instead of worrying if you are doing things the ‘right way’ just make sure you are doing things YOUR way. I promise you, somewhere, out there is a person who will see your awkwardness and think it unique, endearing or special.

Who wants to be perfect and cookie cutter when the key to finding a mate is to stand out and get snatched up?

In my humble opinion, the awkwards win this battle hands down. We’re different without even having to try and since life is never a dull moment when I’m wearing stilettos those who partner with me can be assured of an eventful future (sometimes spent in the E.R. but…. whatever).

Still feeling bad about being awkward? Let that ‘ish go. Guys will love you for your awkwardness and people pay a pretty penny to give the impression they are unlike the general public.

You and me, well, we just wake up winning.

Embrace your awkward and quirky; because he sure will.