In a fit of pure desperation, the lovable Mitt Romney has once again shown that he cannot get a firm grasp on reality. After losing to President Obama last Tuesday, the Romney camp was flabbergasted. They found themselves hoodwinked, bamboozled, even dismayed at the shocking outcome. Rep. Paul Ryan, defeated VP nominee, cited “urban turnout” as the random phenomena causing his ticket’s loss. The Republican Party Chair in Maine complained of “mysterious” Black people who just appeared on voting day, presumably, to cast votes for Obama and Biden. But, the Romney rationale deserves the most analysis. He blames Obama’s “gifts” to Blacks, Latinos, and young people. By golly, he may just be on to something!

On Wednesday, in a conference call with concerned donors, Governor Romney asserted that “gifts” like loan forgiveness, free contraception, “amnesty for children of illegals,” the DREAM Act, and free healthcare were all policy ploys to attract Blacks, Latinos, and young people to Obama. What is funniest about this notion that social policy is a “gift” to young people and racial minorities is that Romney makes these policies sound dirty. Its like all the social issues that these groups care about, you know family planning, college attendance, immigration reform, and affordable health coverage, are just these nasty little things that all the poor people want. These obviously aren’t worth a dime, right? If they were actually important then he’d support them.

Comparatively, this is coming from the man who’s entire life was bankrolled by well-off parents, wealthy businessmen and millionaire donors. Though he seems to be a nice man, his increased pocketbook has been the ongoing wedge between him and the general public. His nose has been turned up at the slackers and lazies at the bottom of the class structure for some time now. So, his comments are neither surprising nor new. In actuality, he may want to get to work on a new routine. When Bobby Jindal, Republican Governor of Louisiana, distances himself from you, you know you’ve got a problem.

What is slightly disconcerting about this comment from the guy who still can’t figure out that people are recording him is that there is still this undercurrent of racial and class-based animus from Whites to Blacks and from the rich to the poor. Romney’s stance insinuates that policy favoring the poor is some sort of maneuver to coax them into voting. Its not that this country needs to reduce the cost of healthcare and life saving preventative care for people who can’t afford it. Really, its just the President buying the election. And who needs loan forgiveness when you can just borrow money from your parents, duh. Ever seen the Twilight Zone? I think we’re in it right now.

Romney’s platform promised to repeal healthcare reform (giving those dollars back to business owners and the rich), keep the Bush tax cuts (giving that money back to the rich), reduce regulations for gas, oil, and corporate entities (giving that money back to the rich), reduce regulations on Wall Street and other banking institutions (giving that money back to, you guessed it, the rich), defund Sesame Street and Planned Parenthood and to repeal Roe v. Wade (these last ones were just for good measure – had to make sure the rich folks knew he really meant it). And how are these not gifts? The word gift means something extra, not necessarily needed. Does anyone truly need these social and economic policies? I didn’t know that the rich were dying in the streets cause they had to pay a couple hundred thousand more dollars on their million dollar baselines. It must have been so tough forgoing that yacht because of “Obamacare.” I kid, I kid.

But, there is a much larger point here. Rich people don’t seem to think that the policies they want are “gifts.” You know, since they work so hard to squeeze every last penty (yes, I said penty) out of the working class, they need respite too. And President Obama is just not doing it for them. So, you know what? Cheers to you rich folks and Romney! I always cheer for the underdog. You are not popular right now cause people are hungry and poor and stuff. But you know you just stick with it. In a few years, we’ll all be so high on all this free stuff that we’ll forget how great it is to get squeezed. Then, you’ll have your moment once more. Keep the faith. It worked for “Dubya.”