Chapter One

Introduction:

Why a

White

Man?

“There aren’t enough good Black Men!”

-— Every black woman,

at some point in their life.

I am a Black Woman

and I

Date White Men

When my black girlfriends discover the fact that I date white men, they
think I’m crazy. They don’t understand what a white man has to offer a
black woman and why I would continuously choose to date melanin deficient
males. Their main concerns were what money, sex and power play in
interracial dating and if it’s worth giving it a try. So I was inspired to
write this book.

Among these pages I will give you the answers to those taboo questions that
I know you’ve been dying to ask, gleaned from my years of field work.
Whether you laugh in glee, groan in despair or take offense, at the end of
the day this is my story. So sit back, relax and learn from my mistakes,
triumphs and revelations. And hell, now I can say I’m a published author an
that’s a resume builder to get me more quality white dates. Hope you’re
taking notes!

The first time I heard my mother tell a friend, “There aren’t enough good
black men” I wondered why she was looking for a “black man” as opposed to a
“man”. As I grew in age and yes, experience, I went through MANY MANY MANY
dating experiences (did I mention MANY?). Realizing I was becoming somewhat
of a specialist in this field, I began to notice a trend. Each culture
offers it’s own unique stereotypical traits. And, dear reader, I don’t
“generalize”. I prefer to say that I “stereotype”, only because it makes
the dating game easier.

MANY TYPES OF LOVERS

First, I went through a Latin stage when the faces of Antonio Banderas,
Enrique Iglesias and Ricky Martin began to grace my screen. I wanted, even
needed, a Latin Lover. They were sensual, giving, compassionate and nothing
was better than hearing them say, just about anything, with that sexy,
tongue rolling accent. My Latin Lover could bark, “Woman, make me a
sandwich” and in a puppy like trance I’d prance happily into the kitchen
(cue eye-roll).

However, there comes a day in any relationship, when a couples “sweetheart
phase” fades and you have your first disagreement. This is where you find
out the ugly side of your partner. Let me tell you, it can’t get any uglier
than being in the line of fire between a Latin man and Black woman. It’s
quite the scene. The Fiery Latin and the “What did you say to me? Who do
you think you are mutha fucka?” Black woman, battling over the land of
Control. Neither one will back down, and the great sex after every fight
will keep a black woman there longer than planned. Inevitably the roller
coaster will come to a jolting stop.

I have also found that this type of battle occurs often with other cultures
that are typically known to have dominant men. I’ve tried my hand with
Persians, Pakistanis, Spaniards and quite a few in between. Black women and
these men share a lot of common ground when it comes to goals and family
expectations, but we just can’t seem to agree on who will be the head of
the household.

EASTERN HEMISPHERE

I even gave had a gander Eastern hemisphere. These are all Asian
countries, including India. This contraction of yellow fever led me to
intelligent on the whole, and one could learn a lot from them. With the
asian men that I have dated, cultural tradition has been very important,
and something about that quality has always attracted me, maybe because we
lack that here in America. Somehow, the Asian culture has been able to keep
these priceless qualities instilled in their families, generation after
generation. And remain particularly intrigued by Japanese men as my quest
for the right match continues.

There was a time in my life when all I wanted was an Indian wedding and a
part of me still does. If you haven’t seen one, rent the movie *Monsoon
Wedding*, a beautiful film that depicts the traditional Indian wedding.
They are beautiful: the henna, the marigold flowers, the dancing, the
jewels. Everything would look to be perfect. The men are great and love
their wives and families completely, but one, small factor would ruin it
all. The sex is bad. Or atleast in my humble (connisseur’s) experience.
It’s not that I’ve been with a slew of Indian men, but if 5 out of 5 had
the same “tired” moves, I will not give mister 6 a chance. If I went to
Bebe and bought 5 pairs of jeans and they all ripped the second day of
wearing them, I would be an idiot to buy another. It would be a waste of
time and effort.

And there is also the issue of arranged marriages. That certainly strikes
me as a risky deal. Thats like the Americans that wait for marriage to move
in together. I personally need a test run. No California “Lemon Law” can
protect you from that type of travesty.

We know the best way to tell someones ability in bed is by the way they
move on the dance floor. So, here’s the problem; they can’t dance. Sure,
their form of dance is a bit different than ours. It’s typically a jump and
a hop sort of thing. I have a great time doing it when heavily intoxicated
but rhythm comes naturally to black women. You can see it in the way we
walk down the street as if we hear the drums of our ancestors banging away
as we hit each step right on beat with our hips swaying from side to side.
In life, just as on the dance floor, we need someone who can handle us at
the right times, and who lets us take the lead when we feel it’s our turn.
We need someone who understands our emotions and lets us vent when we need
to blow our top; someone who can literally hold our asses down in bed. We
want someone strong enough to break down our emotional walls even if our
wall tells us we don’t. Who would be best to understand us and our
struggles?

THE BLACK MAN

This leads me to the question of whether black men can live up to this
ideal. I do love my Chocolaty Lovers so this book is not meant to degrade
them and their capacities in any way. They just don’t do “IT” for me. I
feel something is, was, or always has been lost; maybe from the great lack
of father figures in American black culture. These are the men that we are
stuck with.

I’ve dated all types of black men, from professional athletes, rappers,
singers, doctors, lawyers, architects and every other field imaginable.
There were some awesome men in each group, however, when it came to love,
dates and courtship, they showed zero effort. In my experience, when
dealing with the average black man, this attitude has been a common issue
that many black women have had to deal with. White women on the other hand?
A whole other story and a whole other book.

I have many black male friends who have great women chasing them and I
don’t see why they can’t try harder to show these women the appreciation
they deserve and make an effort to treat them as the queens that they are.
Going back to my mothers line, “There aren’t enough good black men” and
unfortunately, black men know it! Well, if they’re going to take unfair
advantage of this situation, why not open our doors to other “styles” of
good men?

My friends have asked me many questions over the years, so I decided to
compile the answers into a book in order to help other black women who are
considering crossing over to the “white side”.

If a white man can meet your ultimate goals in the long run, is it really
that bad? If I can answer the questions you have and show you the possible
benefits, would you be willing to give it a try?

This book is an easy, user friendly guide to dating white men. Once again,
this book is based on my own personal experiences and research. I’m not
saying that there aren’t any exceptions to the opinions I’ll outline here.
However, I have picked up on the most common patterns to dating white men
and now I will share them with you. Behold, A Black Girls Guide to Dating
White Men.

Order the book here.