*Gulp*

I am active on four online dating sites: POF.com, Match.com, AfroRomance.com, and SeniorsMeet.com. I will be posting periodically about different aspects of my online dating experience, but I will not be giving any details about the resulting dates unless the woman gives permission. There have not been any yet, but there would have been one if my mother had not gotten sick. No, it was not sabotage — she had no idea. She has dementia and is incapable of taking care of her self when she is sick.

In a later post, I’ll contrast those four sites and a few I rejected. In this post, we are going to critique the main text part(s) of my profiles with the aim of improving them and/or helping others create their own. In further posts, we will discuss other aspects of my profiles, strategies for men using online dating to find BW, and how to sort through the ladies’ profiles.

The following is the “About Me” part of my “Plenty of Fish” online dating profile. It is the same as the “About Him…” part of my  “Match.com” online dating profile except that one on Match.com doesn’t have the first and last lines, so it can fit into the 4000 character limit. Ignore the Green and Brown coloration for now.

Welcome to my profile.

Please, it’s pointless for women far away (more than 60 miles away from the Saint Paul, Minnesota) or too young (born after 1974) to contact me. Just don’t.

I am a kind non-controlling man looking for a long term relationship with a mature woman who is warm, curious, deep, nature-loving, and culturally different from me, but not rigidly religious. I like unusual people. Open to any race, or healthy body type. Totally unconcerned about height. I never had children, so I actually like the opportunity to be a step-dad or step-grandpa. You must like dogs, but you don’t have to be crazy about them.

The women I have connected with in the past have had these qualities in common: intelligent, confident, a little edgy, caring, adventurous, fun, sensual, humorous, flexible, independent and responsible. They did not look like each other, sound like each other, or share a theme in their interests or jobs. So I care about certain qualities, not details.

I’m a guy, so I look at the pictures, but I also read every profile carefully. I wish some people would write more. There are a lot of great women here. It took me a while to write my profile because I wanted to do it carefully and clearly. I see a lot of frustration in the profiles of some women, and I’m sure it’s justified. There are not enough men interested in serious relationships with women their age to go around, which gives them (and me) unearned power. Some of us men use this imbalance to play games. The rest of us have character.

I have a loving personality. This means I am affectionate, accepting, attentive, patient, empathetic, & loyal, plus I share sensuality. I am flexible and do well in novel situations and with people who are very different from myself.

I am intelligent (a little nerdy) and easily bored by routine, but I can entertain myself. This makes me interesting, but also lost in the clouds sometimes. I am adventurous when I get the chance to explore. I need my environment to change moderately often, and for my experiences to be novel once in a while, but I am constant in my personal relationships. I have five happy dogs and love dogs of all kinds.

Despite my kinda lumberjack appearance, I have been a feminist all my life, which merely means that I believe women should be empowered to the same level as men. This doesn’t mean I think women are the same as men, or want exactly the same things. 😉

I consider myself to be spiritual without religion. You don’t have to be the same, but you have to be at peace with that, because it won’t change.

I cared for my grandparents at the end of their lives, and I have been caring for my parents for 5 years. Recently, my parents have become a full-time responsibility. I also have worked with disabled adults through a previous job. My mom and dad will likely transition to institutional care in less than a year, which will allow me to go back to full time web development. 

“The secret of [success] is sincerity. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.”
~~ George Burns

I am a master of the sincere soft sell, and more interested in you than me. It’s my natural personality. I couldn’t do a hard sell to save my life. So I might converse for a while before asking for a date. That’s because I am serious about this, not because I am shy.

A little truth. People who try online dating are people who have some attribute or two (good, bad, or neutral) that sets a barrier to connecting in the real world. Too tall, too short, overweight, too smart, newcomer, uncommon ethnicity, burdened with a stereotype, a certain age, nerdiness, too successful (or not), single parenthood, dependent parent(s), remote location, politics contrary to their surroundings,medical issues, introversion, quirky tastes, creative, disability, too busy, unusual spirituality, food restrictions, etc. etc. We are all dealing with our special circumstances. The good news: online is a good tool for us. The bad news: most of the people you meet will have issue(s) that you will have to deal with. If you are lucky, it will be an attribute you want anyway. 🙂

So be patient and honest with each other, and think carefully about what you can and cannot accept.

Thanks for stopping by.

My “AfroRomance” online dating profile breaks the same text into two sections. I put the Green text above into the “Who Am I?” section and the Brown text above into the “What Am I Looking For?” section. I also added this paragraph (taken right out of the “Interests” part of my POF profile) to the end of the “Who Am I?” section:

My interests: Outdoors, Dogs, Dining Out, Landscaping, Gardening, Cooking, Conversation, Travel, Chocolate, Photography, Wilderness, Science, History, Environment, Justice, Nature, Geography, Movies, Politics, Technology, Psychology, Medicine, Astrophysics, Behavior, Foosball, Trees, Reading, Public Radio, Activism, Hiking, Costa Rica, Africa.

And I inserted these two paragraphs, separately, into the “What Am I Looking For?” section to better target BW:

I desire an intelligent loving active relationship-seeking Black woman, or dark woman of color. This has always been my preference. I also enjoy the rich expressive voices and bold features most Black women have.

As a famous Minnesotan once said:
“♪♫ I just want your extra time, and your… Kiss.♪♫”

My “Seniors Meet” online dating profile breaks the same text into three sections, each with a rather tight 1250 character limit. This took some editing and some switching around to come up with these three essays:

A little about me…

I have a loving personality. This means I am affectionate, accepting, attentive, patient, empathetic, & loyal, plus I share sensuality. I am flexible and do well in novel situations and with people who are very different from myself.

I am intelligent (a little nerdy) and easily bored by routine, but I can entertain myself. This makes me interesting, but also lost in the clouds sometimes. I am adventurous when I get the chance to explore. I need my environment to change moderately often, and for my experiences to be novel once in a while, but I am constant in my personal relationships. I have five happy dogs and love dogs of all kinds.

Despite my kinda lumberjack appearance, I have been a feminist all my life, which merely means that I believe women should be empowered to the same level as men. This doesn’t mean I think women are the same as men, or want exactly the same things.

I consider myself to be spiritual without religion. You don’t have to be the same, but you have to be at peace with that, because it won’t change.

I am more interested in you than me. I couldn’t do a hard sell to save my life. So I might converse for a while before asking for a date. That’s because I am serious about this, not because I am shy.

About the one I’m looking for…

Please, it’s pointless for women far away (more than 60 miles from the Saint Paul, Minnesota) or too young (born after 1974) to contact me. Just don’t.

I’m a guy, so I look at the pictures, but I also read every profile carefully. I see a lot of frustration in the profiles of some women. There are not enough men interested in serious relationships to go around, which gives them (and me) unearned power. Some of us men use this imbalance to play games. The rest of us have character.

I am a kind non-controlling man looking for a long term relationship with a mature woman who is warm, curious, deep, nature-loving, and culturally different from me, but not rigidly religious. I like unusual people. Open to any race or healthy body type. Totally unconcerned about height. I never had children, so I actually like the opportunity to be a step-dad or step-grandpa. You must like dogs.

The women I have connected with in the past have had these qualities in common: intelligent, confident, a little edgy, caring, adventurous, fun, sensual, humorous, flexible, independent and responsible. They did not look like each other, sound like each other, or share a theme in their interests or jobs. So I care about certain qualities, not details.

I’d just like to add…

I cared for my grandparents at the end of their lives, and I have been caring for my parents for 5 years. Recently, my parents have become a full-time responsibility. I also have worked with disabled adults through a previous job. My mom & dad will likely transition to institutional care in less than a year, which will allow me to go back to full time web development.

A little truth. People who try online dating are people who have some attribute or two (good, bad, or neutral) that sets a barrier to connecting in the real world. Too tall, too short, overweight, too smart, newcomer, uncommon ethnicity, burdened with a stereotype, a certain age, nerdiness, too successful (or not), single parenthood, dependent parent(s), remote location, politics contrary to their surroundings, medical issues, introversion, quirky tastes, creative, disability, too busy, unusual spirituality, food restrictions, etc. We’re all dealing with our special circumstances. The good news: online is a good tool for us. The bad news: most of the people you meet will have issue(s) that you will have to deal with. If you’re lucky, it will be an attribute you want anyway.

So be patient and honest with each other, and think carefully about what you can accept.

SeniorsMeet.com also lets you write mini-essays on your top three interests picked from their list:

Nature and Outdoors

If one goes deep enough into the wilderness, the sounds, sights, and textures reveal a world organized by completely different principles than the sterile and radically minimalist one we have created for ourselves. Intricate and vulnerable in each detail, yet robust and resilient overall. And this is why we find nature to be beautiful. It is profoundly not about us, and not according our schedules, yet nourishes us spiritually nonetheless.

Cooking

Food is both basic to well-being and fascinating to play with. I am an improvisational cook. Sometime I experiment to see if I can get unlikely ingredients to cooperate, or to play a minor chord with several spices. Everything is considered: flavors, aromas, colors, textures, presentation, layering, harmony, nutrition, pairing, sometimes sound. I am not a gourmet, just a very good creative cook.

Education

The only thing more fun than learning is teaching. I know my hard sciences very well. I am competent in history and geography. I manage in the soft sciences. I dabble in the humanities. My brother got all the sports trivia and celebrity genes.

So friends, tear away.