I haven’t had a perm for over 20 years, and I gotta tell ya, I do NOT miss picking at those scabs I got at the back of my head a day or two after getting one of those Optimum perms (do they even sell those anymore?) This is gross, but I’ma just say it: when I picked at those scabs liquid would come out–and it wasn’t blood. What was that?

I basically stopped getting perms because when I moved out of my parent’s place at the ripe old age of 18, I couldn’t afford them anymore. After fumbling around trying to figure out what the heck would keep the hair on my head, I discovered the ANCIENT, WHOLLY-HAIR secret:

LEAVE. IT. ALONE.

I wore my hair in mostly buns and ponytails when I was dating The Hubster, and the longest it’s gotten is to the middle (solid middle; not like five hairs that reach the middle) length. A tragic braid accident, that really WASN’T an accident because the jealous, weave-wearing braider CUT the hair that she said was stray braid hair. I took those braids out and my hair barely reached my shoulders. I DIED. DIED!!!! Too bad I didn’t know anyone name Guido at the time.

What my hair looked like after the hack job:

I'm bald! BAAALLD!

That’s when I discover the Long Hair Care Forum and, even though they kicked me out of the place, I learned a lot. Like how my hair looks when it’s not flat ironed:

Viva la Wash-and-Go!!! Because three months of this and my hair is here:

See those gnawed up, chewed up ends? So I said eff it and chopped off an inch, so here I am:

Shut up. I know you’re thinking I should have cut more, but it literally causes me pain to see my hard-grown hair on the floor at Super Cuts, which is where I recommend EVERYONE should go too, because I once went to a black hair salon and the lady wanted to charge me the full cost of a press and curl and cut $60, even though I just asked for a trim. Super Cuts or Fantastic Sam’s will do EXACTLY what you want them to do for $15. S.O.L.D.

So ladies, I coming out with my hair goal. I’m an over-acheiver, so I’m going for waist-length, just to see what a waist length black girl like me looks like with waist length hair, without locks–just hair. I figure when my hair gets to there, then I’ll look like this:

The Hubster says that no 40-year-old woman wears her hair waist length. BOO! Diana Ross is in her 60’s and I plan to rock my hair like that till I’m 80. Betchu he’ll like it, too.

Because I know you’re going to ask, I mostly use Shea Moisture products because, well, they WORK. Name just about everything in the line, and chances are I have it.

What’s everybody else using? Oh, and shout out to Black Girl with Long Hair. I hope you bury those big, catty, meanies on LHCF. Yep; I said it.