Question:  How do you know when you are happy? 

Think about it for a minute.

Do you smile more?

Do you hum a tune?

However and whenever you feel happy within yourself, it should be pretty obvious. Also obvious is the difference between being happy for yourself and trying to make someone else’s happiness your own. I’m talking about the sin of living vicariously through other people. And yes, biblically, it is a sin. It’s also a big old waste of time.

Don’t Fall For The Okey Doke: It’s Not JUST As Good…

Way back when black women were complaining about the lack of diversity on the show “Girls”, it was suggested that black women should be happy that other women were thriving. Not black women, but white women. And to answer the question of a lack of diversity, a black man was added to the cast. Not a black woman, but a black man.

I don’t really get too mad at black women for being confused, because often they’ve had to listen to other groups convince them of their interchangeability. That in addition to how their invisibility in  social matters works “for the common good”. It’s therefore understandable that some black women continue get confused by behavior like this and start thinking that allowing someone else to get what they want out of life and be represented is JUST AS GOOD as having those things yourself.

Well, no it isn’t. But then, deep down these women already knew that.

This is why black women have to stop WAITING for other groups to reach down and sprinkle a little happiness in their mouths so they’ll know what it tastes like. These groups are not obligated to give you a damn thing, and they will let you know it no matter how many times you tug at their sleeves like a pauper.

But this should be freeing rather than saddening. Because, black women, it means you are just as unbeholden to these groups as they are to you. So that when these individuals or groups try and flip the script and make you feel like a foot soldier, you can snap your fingers and walk away.

Dirty Little Secret: Black Women Living Vicariously Boosts Egos

We’ve already talked about why some people indoctrinate black women to feel like they’re beholden to them. But there’s another ugly aspect to this behavior. Persons trick black women into feeling like they can only access happiness through them because it is VERY empowering.

Black women remain paralyzed, waiting for someone to give them permission to do for themselves and put themselves first largely because they’re waiting for privileged groups to level to playing field and be “fair” to them.

Life isn’t about fairness: It’s about being the best and brightest person you can be under whatever circumstances you find yourself. It’s about not being talked out of taking chances because other people can’t enjoy their freedom and privilege unless you’re stuck.

You can’t go through life waiting for other people to grant you permission to be happy. Nor can you spend it letting other groups be happy and “tell you about it” as a way for you to know what it’s like.

As long as you live and breathe, you have an opportunity to experience all the wonders of life for yourself. So go live it!