I remember having conversations with some of my black girlfriends back in the day (way before I knew I’d marry interracially) about what it would take for us to entertain the idea of dating a white guy. Inevitably someone would declare, “If I ever date out, dude better look like Brad Pitt or it ain’t happening.” No demands of the man’s qualities were discussed, like whether or not he was ambition, whether or not he was smart, whether or not he was good husband and father material. It all boiled down to looks. If the guy didn’t look like [insert latest celebrity heart throb] then the thought of dating a white man is ludicrous.

That same bone-head meme is also brought up to ridicule black women intermarried—if your husband doesn’t like like the Greek god, Adonis, then you’re openly mocked. And if you’re with such a non-Adonis, it is assumed that you’re in it for the money. We just saw this play out when model Lanisha Cole got dragged because some ghetto snipes thought her finance’s looks weren’t up to muster, despite that fact that he seems to love her dearly and honors her family, runs a company, and seems more than capable of providing and protecting his family. Nope. It’s all about the looks. News flash: Traditionally, smart women pursue powerful men. Powerful men usually have money. Tell me again why this is a bad thing?

And I would expect this mocking to come from men, who are visual creatures and judge women overwhelmingly by their looks before anything else. What baffles me is when it comes from other women, who seem to not have Clue One about how to choose a suitable mate. Hint for the naive and/or willfully ignorant: A man’s looks shouldn’t be the “first, only, and every.” In this case, thinking like a man could leave you crying like a little bitch.

Did the wife of Facebook creator Mark Zuckerberg, use looks as her gauge for deciding whether he was marriage potential? How about Bill Gates’s wife? Founder of Nortan’s Anti-virus software? That’s a big, fat, NO. Each one of these women connected with their future husbands for whatever voodoo inspires attraction, but then REALIZED THE POTENTIAL those men had to provide, protect, and produce, which is the ROLE of a man. Nobody in their right mind could mock this. Anyone who does has a completely warped value system fueled primarily from sexual attraction and little else.

I’ve mentioned this before, but it bears bringing up again. My mother-in-law once told me that when she met her future husband, she sized him up based on potential and shared values. He was in law school, and they were both Catholic. Check and check. She then used her looks and femininity to inspire his attraction, you know, because men are visual. His looks were of little to no consequence to her. My mother-in-law was very pretty and petite, came from a wealthy family, and could have gone for the hottest guy at the sock hop, but she knew better. Her non-Adonis went on to become a Superior Court Judge.

Oh! And Powerless Men Who Can’t Compete Will Also Mock Your Non-Adonis

Let me not leave out the men sitting in their basements who will also mock you if your rainbeau isn’t a Calvin Klein model. I continue to be impressed with how creative they are about this mocking: That white dude you’re with looks like a pedo! White men are the direct descendants of the sasquatch, rat, and mole who had a big orgy and created an abomination!! Pink peen causes cancer!! You are contributing to your own genocide! You’re a sellout! You’re a bed wench! I could go on and on.

What is noticeably lacking from any of those criticisms, you might notice, will be any and all references to what REALLY matters in choosing you mate, which again, is the ability to provide, protect and produce. Nope. They won’t focus on those things because they know that if a mirror was held to them they would be sorely lacking.

Ladies, stop trying to judge the quality of your potential mate using a faulty yard stick. Vet to win, my lovelies. Vet to win.