Everything your mother didn't have time to tell you because she was too busy struggling!
Before you read this, I know that some of you might be offended. I don’t care. It’s time black women separate by two classes--the savvies and the martyrs. You’ll find out which one you are by the time you finish reading this.
Last week we reported on the latest Pew Research regarding the rise of interracial marriage in America. Virtually every other minority group–including black men–are increasing their dating pools to include other races. Even Asian men (supposedly the least desired of all the male races) intermarries at 21 percent. But it looks like as a collective, black women have decided to martyr themselves and embrace low marriage and high divorce rates, and be the least likely to marry interracially, at only 12 percent.
While this is encouraging and the needle is moving in the right direction, black women are still so mired in ideology and “black love” and racial solidarity that they continue to sacrifice virtually all aspects of their emotional lives. Especially since the very men they’re fighting for are marrying interracially at 24%, twice the rate of black women. And that percentage comes from the reality that only 60% of black men EVER marry. EVER.
And while black women have been deemed the most educated in the U.S., we’re still dumb as dirt when it comes to really winning at the love game. In fact, black women with a bachelor’s degree or higher are the most likely to marry someone with lesser education and earning power, while black men in the same position interracially marry at 30 percent.
Black women who swirl are subjected to so much mockery, guilt-tripping and mockery, and I’m often accused of facilitating “black genocide” by encouraging black women to expand their dating pool. Ironically, the very men who call us “bedwenches” and “white man’s whore” are of the very same group that runs a complete circle around black women interracially married. We are the objects of scorn and even violence, while the community as a whole barely acknowledges that black men do this at all.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Q3h-oV7Fco
Here’s Why This Matters
The significance of those stats may be lost to those who remains race martyrs. But just look around at who’s getting married and why. In an article published in 2015 by The Department of Health and Human Services called, The Growing Racial and Ethnic Divide in U.S. Marriage Patterns, researchers lamented about who there wasn’t a definitive reason for the abysmally low marriage rates with blacks. Yes; there’s the fact that black men are often less educated and lower skilled, then there’s the incarceration rates that leave out one third of them, those that intermarry or gay and what kind of choice does that leave black women? Yet I’m seeing a larger amount of black women in social media shouting #blacklove from the rooftops and for what?! How many dates and marriage proposals have they gotten in do so? How much wealth and legacy building is happening there?
A shortage of marriageable men may be part of the explanation for low marriage rates among better-educated black women, but it’s harder to see how the ratio of men to women can explain low marriage rates among better-educated black men. Some scholars argue that the scarcity of better-off black men relative to black women, which is compounded by black men’s relatively lower levels of education and higher rates of interracial marriage, may increase black men’s bargaining power and make marriage less attractive to them as an option in early adulthood.43 This argument assumes, however, that men would rather have informal relationships with women than marry, despite having access to a larger pool of women eligible for marriage. Because nearly all studies linking the gender ratio to marriage have focused on what predicts marriage among women, we don’t have good evidence on this point. A true test of this argument would analyze men’s marriage.
This summary has been what we’ve been saying for the longest. IBM’s, (Ideal Black Men) are the holy unicorns of the community and they know it. They often use their status to run through as many women of every race without settling down until much later in life.
Listen…I’m going to try to speak on this as dispassionately as I can. Some black women are being so bullheaded and self sabotaging that their desperation for black community approval that it’s time we make a distinction between us and them. I don’t wish them ill, and I honestly hope they find what they seek. But I want them gone from these spaces. I want them to keep us savvies out of their mouths.
The martyrs will try to point to low marriage rates being related to systematic racism and white supremacy. While those factor in, the TRUTH is that marriage rates in the black community began to fall in the 1960’s, after civil liberties like interracial marriage became legal. Yes; as soon as they could, they did. And don’t talk to me about economics either. You’re wrong on both aspects.
Moreover, black marriage rates fell at the same time that racial discrimination was declining and black men’s wages were growing. Between 1960 and 1980, employed blacks saw real increases in wages relative to whites, partly due to increases in their educational attainment and partly because returns to education also increased.23 During this time, the proportion of blacks who were in the middle class (defined as between 200 and 499 percent of the federal poverty line) increased substantially.24
Not all black men were reaping the benefits of increasing opportunity that came via civil rights legislation. As we’ve seen, black unemployment rates were growing, and the racial disparities are even greater if we account for the high rates of incarceration among less- educated black men.25 Still, the proportion of blacks who are poor is lower today than in 1960, and blacks’ median household income, after adjusting for inflation, is higher.26 Black marriage rates began to fall even while the black middle class was growing, and they continued falling after 1980 even as black men’s unemployment rates and real wages improved (although not relative to white men’s).
White Women Have This Figured Out
While white women have an even lower rate of intermarriage (10 percent) you don’t hear them out here proclaiming and shouting to the rooftops that they would NEVER date and marry a [fill in the blank] man. They’ve been trained from birth to marry the BEST man for the job. And while marriage rates are decreasing across the board, they’re holding steady with educated white women, and here’s why: They understand that marriage is an alliance and foundation for producing successful children, building wealth and legacy. “This divide between more- and less- educated white women helps us understand black-white differences, because it makes clear that over time, marriage has become increasingly linked to employment and earnings, especially for women,” cites the study.
It’s my dream that black women (the savvies) will shed of the idea that being in a relationship equals more sacrificing of your own well being for the sake of some misguided solidarity. Stop being a fool and a martyr, and go where you’re celebrated, not tolerated.
Or…you can be a martyr, and LEAVE.
For a more in-depth discussion, join our private Facebook page, Dating Darwinism. For women only, and not all who apply will be let in.
For those of you who are new or reformed martyrs, I’ll just set this here.
“Author of Swirling. Advocate for black women finding love across color lines. Creator of The Pink Pill.”
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