EmpressNK here, I said I’d do a series of posts with the underlying theme of “Being the best version of yourself, to your advantage”.

In this first post I’ll explain the theme. I feel that people who are consistently less than the best version of themselves enjoy life less.  No one is perfect, but we all know at least one person (in our daily life, or a public figure) who is killing it in their life – they’re achieving things, inspiring people, living joyfully, spreading good cheer, building a better tomorrow, encouraging people, tastefully accentuating their beauty, and so on. These are the people I pay attention to – people who are mostly being the best versions of themselves, and having fun / joy whilst doing so.

I specifically added “to your advantage” on purpose. Women of color, in particular BW, have a history of carrying heavier and / or extra-whacky burdens in society e.g. the pressure to put everyone else first, the demands to prove their loyalty to religion / culture / family, the yoke of trying to prove they are worthy to be wifed up by men who can’t even hold a candle to them, etc.

When I was 17 I read that Black and Indian women had the highest rates of heart attacks and strokes (think this was in a British survey), and as I recall it the author suggested it was due to the demands of working so hard for their families and communities. At that moment I vowed that was not going to be me. Since then I’ve avoided men and women who want me to be the strong black woman / the forever toiling Nigerian wife & mother like the plague.

In case you didn’t already know, BW are not mules, we are gazelles who were forced and tricked to act like mules. We are leopardesses who were duped into acting like tame house-cats. We are princesses who had our crowns snatched off our heads and replaced with a dirty head-kerchief. As Mufasa said to Simba in The Lion King, “Remember who you are!”

You are unique, talented, gorgeous, healthy, intelligent, a rare flower, a precious jewel. Remember who you are! Take back your crown and wear it with confidence and dignity.

With that history of BW frequently making decisions in everybody else’s best interests but not in their own interest, I want to see more BW being the best version of themselves, to their OWN advantage. So if you want to wear make-up, wear it for your own pleasure and advantages. If you’re studying hard, study for your own benefits, not primarily to please anybody else. The intention of these posts is for YOU to be the primary beneficiary of any positive changes you make in your life, everybody else (spouses, children, parents, friends, etc) should be secondary beneficiaries at best.

WARNING: Some of the suggestions in this series of posts may well result in other people not benefiting from the changes you make. The most important thing is that YOU benefit from the changes you make.

You may end up deciding to let go of some relationships, become happier and more positive-minded, change your environment, run in different social circles, make your mind work in your favour, become healthier and fitter, and turbo-boost your physical appearance. Who knows what possibilities are in your future?

Remember those times you read about / saw a really cool woman in a book, comic, film, tv series, interview, article, or documentary, or you met such a woman in real life, and you thought “She is so cool / awesome / fly / inspirational”? Maybe you even thought “I wish I was like her”?

Good news would be me telling you that you can be like that woman.

Ladies, I’ve got great news for you. You can be the best version of yourself, be who you were destined to be, and enjoy your own life.

Why be an imitation of some-one else, when you can be the original of yourself?

A diamond cannot become an emerald or a ruby or a sapphire, but it can become the brightest, most polished version of itself 🙂

So, I’m going to draw this first post to a close, by leaving you with these questions.

What would the best version of you look like?

What can you do today, this week, this month, and this year to take you even one little step towards becoming that best version of you?

What can you plan ahead to do to take you a big step towards becoming that best version of you?