Just caught wind of a huge fart cloud coming from Bob Morris, an Indiana lawmaker who insists that the Girl Scouts–yes; those evil peddlers of mint chocolate cookies–are in collusion with Planned Parenthood to promote GASP!! abortion and homosexuality and is demanding an immediate investigation.

According to the Chicago Tribune, “Morris, in his letter to lawmakers, said some Christian conservatives who share his concerns have pulled their children out of Girl Scouts. He also pointed to a Colorado Girl Scout troop’s acceptance of a transgender child last month as another reason to leave the group.”

Can you imagine? Put folks like Morris in charge, and they’ll be raiding weekly merit badge meetings, and bringing in the swap team. They’ll enlist a special scientific panel to test girl scout cookies laced with birth control pills ground into flour and mixed inside. What’s next? Mandatory hymen checking, as a criteria for membership?

For the life of me, I CAN NOT understand why Republicans are so obsessed with this, especially in a time where people care more about whether they can pay their cable so that the little slip of joy they maintain watching Spartacus and Shameless can continue.

This, combined with last week’s statement from a Rick Santorum supporter, who suggested women hold aspirin between their knees as a form of birth control is just beyond the Stone Ages. Leave these people in charge and we’ll all soon be wearing burqas.

Planned Parenthood rep, Betty Cockrum says that “On the national level, inflammatory and generally inaccurate claims about a partnership between the Girl Scouts and Planned Parenthood have been promoted primarily by anti-choice lawmakers seeking to place pressure on organizations to disassociate or distance themselves from Planned Parenthood.”

Anyone else sniff a conspiracy? First the Susan G. Komen Foundation disaster, and NOW the Girl Scouts? Geez…this is getting CRAY CRAY for real.

*clears throat and puts on airs*

As the founder and organizer of No Wedding No Womb, an initiative to raise awareness and find solutions to the 73% out-of-wedlock rate in the African American community, I want you to know I am not some raving lunatic who advocates abortion as a form of birth control. But I’ll support an individual’s right to chose–to a point. As a mom of a two premature children, there’s no way I’m with late-term abortion, except in the case where the pregnancy if life-threatening to the mother or the child is so developmentally and physically handicapped that life would a horrendous hardship for both parents and child.

That’s my position, and I’m sticking to it. I’m not all rah-rah for everything Planned Parenthood does, but it’s the best and most comprehensive organization we have, so I’m totally against Girl Scouts wearing little green burqas whilst selling Thin Mints in front of Whole Foods.