What is among the worst things you could tell a woman who is an abusive relationship? Well, here’s a working list:

– He just needs the love of a good woman. If you LOVE him hard enough, he will change.

– It’s your fault he’s the way he is, if you didn’t _____, he would not harm you.

– Maybe he’s right about you, you are _____.

– Don’t leave him! Ride it out, that’s what a good woman does.

Etc., etc., and I hope you see where I’m going with this. Basically, the above is not something that any sensible person would direct at a woman who is being physically and emotionally abused. The idea that a person who is abusive can be fixed by their victim is one part victim-blaming and one part just plain wrong. There are therapeutic solutions that should be considered, but for the safety and wellbeing of the person being harmed, how on Earth does it make sense to tell them that they are the ones responsible for healing and mending and curing damaged persons?

I’ve seen this logic thrown at abuse victims, and the persons rightly called on it. However, I’ve also seen a similar philosophy thrown at black women who have no interest in “fixing” the deranged and damaged members of the black community. Or women who do not see themselves as a crutch for an entire ethnic group to rest on.

There is an idea that somehow, abnormalities can be ironed out, abusive intra-racist and sexist behaviors ended, and all the good brothas will “come back home” if black women stop giving attitude, pull out a stethoscope and go to work.

I would never tell a woman to approach dangerous and abusive persons because it’s “their responsibility to fix them”. I would never assume that someone who wants to date interracially is doing so under the belief that it will “solve all their problems”. I wouldn’t assume it’s any of my business anyway. The presumption of some people with regards to how black women are meant to behave is staggering to me.

I’ve never walked on water nor went to medical school, but I’ve been dubbed, “Dr. Black Woman, MD” and have just been paged to the OR.

So thoughts: Have you been confronted with this “black women must fix/cure everything” nonsense, and if so, what do you think about it?