By Demita Usher
socialgracesandsavoirfaire.blogspot.com

I have heard from people of different cultures about their love for America and American culture, they appreciate the diversity and the freedom of expression they find in America that is not always available in their own countries. The one thing they have expressed frustration at is the lack of respect many Americans have towards their cultural beliefs and practices. They come off insulting, rude and racist. I understand that people from other nations have dished out the same helping of rudeness and disrespect of American culture and values, but I want to direct this blog at our stance as Americans because we have been the “go to” nation for so long we have gotten a little too comfortable in that position and are not really aware that alot of the nations around us are starting to take advantage of the global opportunities being presented to them and are elevating their position on the world.

Up and coming foreign countries are taking strides in a big way order to forge their place in the world.  They are becoming wealthier and more influential. They understand that the world does not revolve around their country and are building alliances with other countries to expand their sphere of influence. Part of building those relationships is to learn about the practices and cultural norms of the countries they want to interact with. If we want to stay on the competitive edge we have to start thinking more global and that means understanding and respecting the cultural practices of non-American people and applying them where appropriate, be it for business or pleasure.

As I have aforementioned many times, the very foundation for the rules of etiquette have their origins in business. The Europeans poor behavior and manners were distasteful to traders from other parts of the world and they would not interact with them. The leaders of European countries understood that if they did not amend their ways their prospects would be few and far between. Raping and pillaging was not always the best route to take if they wanted to establish long lasting business and personal relationships and they may not always have a royal son or daughter to marry off to forge an alliance, so they had to learn to build relationships other ways, and one of those ways was through proper manners and etiquette.  For the record, that does not always mean the proper usage of the knife and fork because depending on the region, you may not be using one. The heart of etiquette and manners is to make people around us as comfortable as possible and that means respecting the things that are important to them personally and culturally.  What may seem dumb to you or me may be very serious to them.

Because we are becoming a more global world I suggest as time permits you take the time to learn more about other cultures because you never know when you will have the opportunity to put what you learn into practice. Five areas (of many) I want to focus on when it comes to dealing with other cultures (especially if you are in their country) are as follows:

Physical Contact (personal space)

Here in America physical contact is part of the way we greet and interact with people; we use handshakes, hugs, kisses, etc. as part of our greeting but in some cultures, physical contact is not appropriate. For example, in Japan personal space is important. They prefer to bow to shaking hands. There are some Japanese people who are well acquainted with western culture may be comfortable with shaking hands, but to be safe it would be wise if uncertain to try to follow the other persons lead. In the UAE (United Arab Emirates) men and women do not show affection or physical contact in public, so you could get in serious trouble for an innocent hug. What is accepted in one region may not be accepted in the other, so if you are not sure, watch your surroundings and see how the natives interact and if possible ask questions. I believe most foreign people would respect the sincere inquiry.

Gestures

I highly recommend you avoid using any type of gestures in foreign countries or around foreign people unless you know what it would mean to them, because something positive in one culture can be negative in another. For example the “ok” sign here in America means “Zero” (like you are a zero) in France and it is a gesture for homosexuality in Turkey. “Thumbs up” gesture in America is a positive gesture, but it is an obscene gesture in some Middle Eastern cultures. To be on the safe side, I suggest you avoid them altogether in mixed company.

Gender

It would be good to find out what the boundaries are between men and women. Some things men are allowed to do, women are not. In the Kingdom of Brahaman and some other Arab countries, do not allow women to drive. As aforementioned and can be applied here, in some countries, men and women do not touch or display affection in public. No matter how innocent, it is many times interpreted as sexual behavior. We have a lot of freedom here in the United States and those freedoms are not always transferable to other cultures, in fact in some cultures, it is offensive though it may be innocent, so we have to watch our conduct.

Dining

In western culture we understand the use of forks, knives, spoons, and other utensils but in some parts of the world they eat with their hands formal and informal and in some cultures, they only use the right hand. In traditional Indian homes they only use their right hand because they consider the left hand as the one us you use for other reasons like the bathroom. They don’t even hand people things from their left hand. I made the mistake of doing that at an Indian home in my younger years and the mother of the house re-assured me I was always welcome in their home to cover my faux pas with the other family members. I remembered to always use my right hand after that.  In some Asian cultures, to stand your chopsticks in an upright position is a position mourning for a dead person (a no no) and to point your chopsticks at some one is to imply a threat or harm (another no no).  I learned from an Egyptian friend that to leave a little food on your plate sends the message that you are full and satisfied, while in some other cultures, a clean plate implies the same message. Again if you are not sure of the dining protocol, observe and follow the lead of your hosts and/or politely ask.

Attire

Again this is where you have to do your homework. We have a lot of freedom in the United States and can get away with wearing just about anything, including a meat dress a la Lady GaGa. Some countries are very conservative in their attire. In the UAE, the rules of Modesty require women are to be completely covered and in some areas of the UAE, women have to wear veils as well. On special occasions like a Chinese wedding, female guests are not supposed to wear black or white because it implies death. An up and coming fashion designer was creating a line of t-shirts to raise funds for impoverished 3rd world countries. He wanted to do the t-shirts in white, but he discovered in some African villages white means you are a witch. As he investigated other colors, he found different colors had different meanings in different cultures. The one color that he discovered was universally respected was purple so he launched his t-shirts in that color because he did not want anyone to be offended or excluded.

With the world getting more global, many countries are taking on a more western mindset and are relaxing some of their cultural protocol, and the protocol is different from region to region (as I know some may correct me and say my country does not do this or that) but there are always some who hold on to the more traditional values of their culture so I again strongly suggest you ask questions and learn more about the cultures you interact with. Ask them questions to “test the waters” to see if they are more contemporary or more traditional, questions like  “would your family be offended if I wore a black dress to the wedding?”  Or “can you show me how to eat with my right hand?” these questions will help diffuse any potential mis-understanding and make being together a more pleasant experience.

The goal of etiquette is to always make those around you comfortable so do not fear that you have to know every single nuance of a culture, but familiarize yourself  with as much as you can and if you are polite and sincere, they will be a lot more forgiving of any faux pas you make as you learn to understand their culture and all that is involved.