As a blogger in the interracial marriage space, I’ve heard all sorts of rumors about other cultures and races here in America, with all sorts of explanations for why they behave the way they do–particularly Asians. For example, I’ve heard from various sources that many Asian women have bought into the idea that white society is superior in all things, and have a “If you can’t beat them, join them” kind of attitude. You see this peculiarity when you observe well-known white supremacists who are coupled or married to Asian women. I often wonder…what happens to the half Asian boys in this situation, when you have a white father who says he is superior over you by divine rights, and you’re basically a mongrel.

That’s what this Reddit community that was passed along to me is all about. It’s full of links, research and anecdotes of how hapa (half Asian, half white) offspring experiences. From what I read, girl children of white fathers and Asian mothers fare pretty well, while the sons (especially if they look more Asian) suffer greatly.

Half Asian sons with Asian mothers can be VERY high risk, especially if they are forced to identify as Asian men as they get older, in a world where white men and white features are considered superior, even by their parents, and Asian men are undesirable, and have to deal with crippling gendered stereotypes, unrealistic expectations, racist-narcissism, fetishes and dysfunction at home, lack of media representation, and having a racist, weird, unattractive, sexpat or bottom of the barrel white father who fetishizes Asian women as a “low-standard, pro-white” alternative to non-Asian women, while attacking Asian men with his wife, who can in turn be a racist, unloving, callous Tiger Mother who attacks her own child for looking too Asian, casually attacks Asian and Half-Asian men, hypes up her child for being half-White, and pushes for White privilege and status.

Wow.

I’ve got take issue with something about this quote, because not all Asian women are pulling the loser reprobates of white society. Not even close. Have you seen who one of the twins from Property Brothers is engaged to?

I’m not going to take a position on this, but I asked a friend of this blog, a white man married to a first-generation Chinese woman. They had a beautiful daughter. When I showed him the link, he scoffed. He said, “Asian women seek white men because Asian men, largely, treat their women like shit. Women aren’t stupid.”

So from his perspective, maybe Asian women are mating with  white men at high rates not because they deem white men superior, but because they are unsatisfied with how their own men treat them.

Perhaps the truth lies somewhere in the middle. I’d love to hear from other people about this, so feel free to chime in.

There’s so many parallels with this dynamic when you line it up with the black community and intermarriage for example:

Black men date and marry interracially (particularly white women) at twice the rate of black women. Asian women have the highest rates of intermarriage.

Black men are often resentful of black women paired with white men. Asian women are often resentful of Asian or half Asian men paired with white women.

While the boys of WM/AW pairings are often resented the more Asian they look, the boys of BM/WM pairings that look more white than black are resented by their fathers.

The Asian wives of white supremacists tolerate their racist attitudes toward the Asian diaspora and anyone not white. The white wives of black men tolerate black supremacist or “black victimology” ideals.

What a mess.

Bottom line: while I encourage communities such as these so that people who have unique or little-discussed experiences have a chance to tell their stories and connect with others, at some point, you have to accept the cards you’ve been dealt. Instead of male hapas railing about how they are unwanted, they should do what others have done who have once been rejected by those who were supposed to love them. Accept it. Move on. And go where you are celebrated. These men are going to have to accept what IS. Asian women aren’t going to stop intermarrying with white men, racist or not. The cycle will continue, and more than likely, increase.

If the people in this Reddit group stay mired in the rejection they feel or their lack of representation, respect or romantic options while ignoring the opportunities to find women who will love, respect and understand them from other races and cultures, then it does nobody any good–especially them.

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