Last week’s Friday Funny was BY FAR the best. You guys were hilarious. All I can say is, I thank GAWD I have “good pubic hair” so that I don’t need to mix relaxer in my body wash.

*BWAH!!!*

But I think that today we should use this platform to educate young women–like my 12-year-old daughter, or my 40-year-old cousin who named one of her kids after a car–with the use of humor.

Let’s use our collective life experiences to help whipper snappers and old goats alike to identify the mysterious and EXTREMELY dangerous THUG. I also want this post to be an intervention for thugs-in-training to identify certain symptoms of the disease so they can seek treatment in a library, college or Abrocombie & Fitch.

In recent news, thugs from Thugopolis have devolved and bastardized the English language to the point where the DEA needs translators, so it seems befitting that they require even further study. Inspired by the following classic comedy sketch, “You Might Be a Redneck,” by Jeff Foxworthy, I thought we could have some fun while providing a public service to unsuspecting (or purposely oblivious) ladies vulnerable to the DANCE OF THE SEVEN THUGS:

So I’ll start. Whoever’s the funniest wins a trophy and a gold tooth.

YOU MIGHT BE A THUG:

…if your idea of wining and dining involves a trip to McDonald’s and a detour to the liquor store for a 40-ounce.

NOW YOU! NOW YOU!