In every relationship there comes a time to have The Talk. It’s the talk you have with the person you are seeing where the two of you come to a decision about when your relationship will move to the next level of physical intimacy. For most of human history, in most times and places, the right time to have sex was after he put a ring on it and the last piece of cake had been eaten from the wedding reception. However since most of us live in the West, don’t plan on having our marriages arranged by our parents, and don’t plan on getting married until our mid-to-late 20’s, we are now facing a question many of our foremothers never did: if I’m not going to wait until I’m married to have sex, then how soon is too soon to have sex?

If you’re a devout Christian woman (or belong to some other faith) you might choose to not have sex until marriage. And there is nothing wrong with good old fashioned values. Some women choose to set a specific amount of time aside for dating before they believe sex is appropriate (i.e.,the 30-day rule, the 60-day-rule, or the 90-day-rule).

But here’s my humble opinion: there is no such thing as ‘too soon’ to have sex or ‘two long’ to wait to have sex. There is only the amount of time that you feel must past before you are comfortable having sex. There is no hard and fast rule that will make you a slut or will tell you with 100% certainty that he’s not just looking for another notch on the bedpost.

If you have to ask yourself whether or not it’s too soon to have sex, then it’s too soon. If you have to call your girlfriends up and take a survey to ask whether or not the time is right to have sex with him, then it’s too soon. If you wonder whether or not he will still respect you tomorrow morning if you have sex with him tonight, then it’s too soon. If you are afraid to have an honest, heart-to-heart talk with him about birth control, STD prevention, and what the two of you are going to do in case an unplanned pregnancy occurs, then you are not ready to have sex. Only you know whether or not it’s the right time; and you can only know when the time is right if you know yourself, know what your morals and values are, and have enough self-esteem to wait until you meet a man who will respect you and your choices.

Remember: no matter what you do, you will have to look at your face in the morning and every day after. Always make choices that will allow you to respect yourself. When you make choices that leave your self-respect and dignity intact you will never again have to ask, “Is is too soon?”