Written by Nicole J.

I have never seen a full episode of Black Women Own The Conversation, just clips. The clips tell me all I need to know, really. The premise itself is pretty weak to me. How can black women truly own the conversation, when a black man moderates said conversation? I think the host, Carlos Watson, is quite inspirational after having done a few Googles about him, but one thing stands out to me – there’s no wedding band on his finger, for the life of me I could find neither hide nor hair of any relationships or children. Maybe he is just a really private guy, which is admirable in this age of social media. But that in and of itself is a bit…curious. Comments under the video claimed he had a white wife, but like I said, I couldn’t find anything that proved that. However, a famous black man hiding his nonblack spouse is not unheard of, either. Whether that is the case here I do not know.

At the very least, if black women truly owned the conversation, they could have gotten a black woman who was publicly living the black love lifestyle that so many of the panelists espouse. Do black women truly own the conversation, when we let a trans woman (the one who was doing the little dance towards the end of the video), who was born and raised male and therefore has wildly different experiences, weigh in on black female issues? Do we own the conversation, when we just talk about the problems we face, and do nothing to solve them? If we owned every part of the conversation, that would involve telling some painful, difficult truths about ourselves, rather than pointing fingers and passing the buck (looking in the mirror, as KsC puts it).

My gripes aside, there is a specific clip I want to talk about.

Like much of the other clips from the show that I’ve seen, this clip is just packed with things to talk about. For those who didn’t watch, it features a black woman responding to the question “Should black women date outside their race?” She says that when she was a teenager, she dated one white guy, and she found that, lo and behold, he was a liar, much like, I don’t know, men in general. She says with conviction that she wanted her children to be black. She also slides a little jibe in there about interracial daters, saying that people who swirl are trying to change their features. She has been married for an impressive 22 years, and in that union, she has birthed FOURTEEN black children.

She doesn’t actually answer the question posed, interestingly enough.

First things first. Having 14 children, in or out of wedlock, is dumb. It just shows that your womb control, his pull-out game, and acting in the best interest of your heirs, are all weak. Before any false equivalences are made, I think having 14 children from any racial, social, or economical strata is dumb as a bag of hammers. I have no love for the Duggars and their 50-11 kids and counting, or any of the other TLC families who gained fame from televising their aversion to birth control. I cannot stand them, to the point where I don’t watch TLC at all, lest I get a 600lb headache. Anyone who has that many children are just doing their kids a massive disservice. Period.

That said, this isn’t 1719 when massa made you birth his next generation of field hands.

This is not 1819 where birth control consisted of catching mumps and becoming sterile.

And this is not 1919 when you had to birth your workforce to help on the family farm because the flu or cholera or smallpox could wipe out your bloodline lickety split, so you needed backups.

This is 2019, about to be 2020, where, in the west, birth control is freely available. Having 14 children is no accomplishment. A moan, a squirt and nine months later, voila, a baby. Repeat that 14 times and here we are. Raising them to be productive members of society is the real challenge. There was no mention of that in the clip. Even the world’s richest men and women have 5 children or less, and they have more money than many countries’ GDP. Do you really think the average, or even above average black family can support all the needs and wants of 14 children? Not because you got picked and have a black husband means you’ve escaped the struggle love train. 14 kids by the same man is a struggle just the same.

If this isn’t an example of Kendall St Charles’ example of breeding for volume rather than for pedigree, I don’t know what is.

Is this what Black Love is? Quite a few people in the comments were lauding this woman, commending her for “keeping it black”. Surely there is more to Black Love than popping out a whole bunch of black babies.

From the clip, it makes it sound like she chose her husband for simply…being black. She wanted black children, so seemingly her only prerequisite was blackness. Personally, any man that pursued me had to come correct regarding a whole myriad of criteria, and his race was never the sole determining factor. To dismiss red flags or other mating exclusion criteria for the sake of Black Love seems like self-sabotage to me.

I can’t help but wonder what the answer would be if it was Black Men Owning the Conversation. Only black women are so damn race loyal without requiring anything but her partner to also be black. If it was a panel of black men up there, I would bet money they would say “Love is love” and be met with nods of approval, which is their absolute right to do. Like I have said many times on this platform, I support swirling across gender lines. Only black women seem to have these hangups about keeping it black, and broadcasting it publicly for all who will hear. I do not understand why black women don’t see how this constant manstroking in a public forum smacks of desperation. All it takes for a black man to woo a black woman is 1) melanin and 2) viable sperm? Is that it?

I am so tired of black women putting themselves in the role of perpetual cheerleader for Black Love, with little to no return on the investment. For Black Love to flourish, both sides of the equation are needed, with the same energy. There’s no point saying that you’ve sworn off nonblack men when the black male response you’ll probably get met with is indifference, or even annoyance, because you’ve made it too easy. Men like a chase after all. Birthing 2 sports teams’ worth of black children doesn’t seem like Black Love to me. Neither does choosing a dude just because he’s black. These actions are counterproductive in the grand scheme of things, and yet, this is the imagery being put forth.

Would you like to see a series of me analyzing other BWOTC clips? Let’s hear your thoughts in the comments.

Disclaimer: This blog was written by me, Nicole, and my ideas are not necessarily reflective of Christelyn Karazin or other writers on this platform.