Written by Nicole J.

Terrible comedian and abnormally tall Oompa-Loompa Kevin Hart made headlines again this week, promoting his latest project. He apparently found out his wife Eniko watches porn featuring men that look nothing like him. I mean, who can blame her, she has to look at him every day, who wouldn’t use porn to escape that? Is there even a market for lawn-gnome porn? Does PornHub even have an under 5-foot filter? I imagine finding a flick with men who do look like him would be rather niche, and thankfully, hard to find. To be fair, I don’t know if Kevin went into detail on how these men look, as I will not be watching his latest excuse for a comedy special, but I got some tidbits from this article; he said “everything was big” and “tall”.

Can you imagine the nerve of this dude? What kind of double standard is this? Here is Kevin, publicly saying that his wife merely watching porn with men who I imagine were his complete opposite (tall, handsome, well-endowed, maybe even light-skinned, everything he probably wishes he was) has him in his feelings, and yet, he engaged in full on intercourse in a sex tape with some other woman, who, incidentally, didn’t look much like Eniko, while they were married, and she was pregnant with his son. Not to mention he allegedly cheated on his first wife Torrei with Eniko, who, incidentally don’t look a lot alike either. Is the money worth this level of drama?

And you might say, it’s just a joke, comedy is his job, he could be making it all up. Sure, he’s a comedian, but not a very good one. Black women seem to frequently be the butt of his jokes, and yet more often than not, we still flock to his movies and give him money to fund his philandering lifestyle. Had black women mobilized when he said his colorist jokes against us, would he still be finding work? But when he angered the gay community recently, he was issuing apologies left, right and center. We need to be ruthless in withdrawing our support from men who seem to think that being dark-skinned makes it easier for us to be victims of violence, or has an impact on our credit.

He apparently went on to say he spit on his wife to reenact a scene in the porno they watched.

In what galaxy is that okay?! Spitting on anyone in any context is reprehensible, and using “well the woman in the porn liked it” is not an excuse for ANYTHING. These are a part of the toxic beliefs that violent, “blow my back out” sex is appealing when it’s just abusive.

Kevin is no prize, even being rich. He seems to be the only person who doesn’t realize that his bank account is probably a major reason he has a wife as beautiful as Eniko with an attitude as stale as his. I wish Eniko the best in her bag-securing endeavors. His colorist self could pay the rest of my mortgage and he would still be cancelled, forever.

These men keep telling on themselves one way or another, and I hope they continue to do so. If your goal is to secure a wealthy man, he still has to be vetted so he doesn’t publicly embarrass you down the line. Sometimes the money just isn’t worth your dignity.