I know I don’t. I find award shows some of the most boring-est stuff on the boob tube. Almost as boring as watching golf, or the paint-drying channel. I guess I could get excited if I were there getting those $10,000 worth of goodie-bag stuff the stars get. Who, I might add, don’t even freaking need it.

How the guests dress is of mild interest to me, but not enough to warrant donating several hours of my life to. Just send me the slide show and I’m good.

And the people who camp out in the streets or travel from Australia or someplace like that should have their heads examined, plain and simple. I live in California, and trust me, when the Oscars come to town, I’d be happy to visit Australia that Sunday.

And look at the trophy. I mean, all that money they pour into this whack, and they can’t even give Oscar a decent face? What, all the plastic surgeons in Hollywood aren’t good enough?

Look at that smooshed in face. It looks like it's been sat on by Rozanne Barr.

The whole pomp of it, it’s lame. Same with music awards, or heck…ANY awards. It’s B.O.R.I.N.G.

And I thoroughly resent not being invited.