It has been so long since I have written a post for the blog. Work had been cracking the whip, but I loved the articles from Nicole and Christelyn. It has also been great to see the interactions on the Facebook Page and the private Pink Pill Space. However, I’ve been seeing some things out there, and I need to add my two cents. 

I will apologize in advance for the click-baity title. I know that things are still sensitive given the recent tumultuous presidential term and electoral process, but this post has nothing to do with politics. Rather, I would like to remind you of the wild west that is now known as OG YouTube and Twitter – the days when black men would crack open computers and phones on the water beds in their mama’s basements, open their ashy and crackly lips, to call black women everything but a child of God, for the whole world to see. I still remember them telling us that we were beyond saving or reasoning with, that they would build a wall of silence, and head to Brazil, the Philippines, anywhere else that didn’t have black women, and leave us and our bastard children to suffer and die alone. It was a lot to deal with as a teenager, and I did then what I typically do now – avoid their poisonous rhetoric like the plague. 

Before you more divested ladies click away, I want to ask you, how divested are you? I asked you all that question before in a blog post, and, this time, I really want the truth. The math isn’t adding up. We constantly get questioned on this blog: why, if this is a platform for black women expanding their options, do we pay so much attention to black men? Yet, in the same breath, we have men in the black manosphere making enough money roasting us on YouTube to the high heavens. They don’t need to be more productive with their time, because they get enough support to pursue their passions – degrading black women. Where is this money coming from? How do they have so much support? Yes, while I am certain that some of the blame can go to the black men of our community, who will support men trashing us because they cannot publicly do so without censure, I am certain that some of the problem lies with us. 

How many times do I get invited to private divestment groups, and all these women do is share clips of the depravity of Blackistan or complain about black men? We know their words aren’t even worth what we pay for them, and yet we still reward them with our attention and outrage.  (It’s not all of the groups I’m in, so please ask me before you throw me out, thanks.) How many times do I have to scroll live and recorded videos of positive influencers, like Christelyn, to see black women who feel the need to argue both sides or explain the rhetoric of the offending party. I get that we need to study our opponent from time to time, but if you are starting to look and reason like them, you have gone off the deep end. Why are you fluent in the language of niggatry? Why must you reward their antics with views and support? Why do you feel the need to argue for fairness with us, but don’t have that same energy with the black manosphere? 

By now, the viral video of Kitten Heels has made it through the corners of Black YouTube and Twitter and beyond. The video has been viewed millions of times, and the man responsible has received thousands of new subscribers. If you have truly been living under a rock and have no idea what I am referring to, I will share the video footage here, here and here. (Please feel free to skip this content if you have already seen it. No need to retraumatize yourselves.)

The only thing that made sense in that video was that woman’s need of therapy. Her self-esteem and entertainment choices leave much to be desired. What I want to know is, WHY? Black men have used social media to show their derrières and to let the whole world know just how they feel about us. Why reward them with our outrage? Why give them the attention that they crave? You see it in real life too – when they finally get a white woman to give them the time of day, they see you minding your own business, and proceed to give you a death stare, like your regard or opinion of him as a couple impacts their lives in any way shape or form. 

I, for one, am tired. I’m tired of the struggle love scenarios. I am tired of avoiding black male content creators (or regular ones) on Twitter and YouTube to avoid being triggered. I am tired of black men only caring about us when we can throw ourselves between them and bullets from the police. We are worth more than this. I need us to get on code. Focus on yourself and things that improve upon and uplift you. I personally loved the quote from a recent article on the blog, “Nothing personal, I just value my life above yours.” I want that to be our life-long mantra. I also think of that question from Kendall St. Charles that is still ringing in my head, “If everyone around you is being devoured, and there was only room for one person to escape, would you take it?”

I want more for us divested ladies. I want for us to stop looking back at the chaos behind us. If you choose to be invested, that’s fine. Just set appropriate boundaries and expectations. Close your hearts to those who are not serving you, and join hands with those who will. Feed yourself with the content that feeds you. What does it serve you to go on these men’s channels, to mass share their content, to let their words permeate into your consciousness? In my follow-up article, I will focus on solutions and how we can possibly move forward, but I will leave you with one tip. 

The first thing that we need to do is look internally. Why are we so attracted to meanness? What is it about us and our self esteem that keeps us going back to content that does not serve us?  Why are we so triggered? Why don’t we go where we are celebrated, not tolerated? If you’re asking the same questions that I am, I would recommend that you sign up for the replay to the joint event by Kendall St. Charles and Christelyn Karazin, The Insidious Lure of Meanness. It was a welcome step in the right direction. We received a breakdown of useful psychological terms, case studies as well as practical examples. I personally am very glad that I paid for this event. There is so much for me to review, but this course is helping me to steer my self development and level-up journey effectively. I know that there is still a lot of inner work for me to do, but this course really helped to lay the groundwork with comprehensive teaching,  practical examples, key terms and the support of an amazing community. I would also like to reiterate the point of therapy. We need to heal our wings before we can fly. 

So, what say you? How divested are you? And, are you ready to build the wall (of silence)?

Thank you so much for reading this article! If any of you are interested in me covering a topic or participating in my interview series, please leave a comment below or connect with me or Christelyn Karazin. You can e-mail me for an interview at [email protected], or send a direct message to Beyond Black and White on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. For more posts like this one, please subscribe to our website.