Everything your mother didn't have time to tell you because she was too busy struggling!
Note: This article was not written or endorsed by Christelyn Karazin, Nicole or any other writers on the blog.
Why should we move to these specific countries? Well, I wrote an article at the beginning of the year about how it was time to build the wall (of silence). Black men used to sit on social media and threaten us about building a wall of silence, getting their coins together, and going to the Global South to engage in their own brand of divestment. Honestly, I think that they are right, and we need to take this advice for ourselves. I promised a follow-up article, and then life got busy. The TL;DR version of the article is that we need to be silent about our moves and maintain a buffer around ourselves. Seek positive content and connections. Set appropriate boundaries and expectations. Close your hearts to those who are not serving you, and join hands with those who will. Feed yourself with the content that feeds you.
Thankfully, I took notes on the future article and I will be expanding on my thoughts here.
As bad as many of these black men can be, they did two things right by us. One, they told us how they truly feel about us. The first ten years of Twitter and YouTube were hell on earth for black women, and that was definitely not the beginning of the public slander. Despite the current situation, there is no better gift than the truth, no matter how bitter the pill. The truth may hurt at first, but it will ultimately set you free.
Two, they laid out their plans. It is high time for us to truly put our money where our mouth is and DIVEST. We are doing the same thing that they did. For too long, we have complained and cried about our situation, and held our exit like a big “Na na na boo boo” to black men. It is not a good look, ladies. We are looking angry and bitter out in these streets. It is high time for us to dry our eyes, heal, and live the best life for ourselves. Take the blueprint that they gave you, perfect it, and win. In case you need a reminder about divestment, Christelyn gave us an excellent breakdown in this video:
Kendall St. Charles told us to do this a long time ago. Posing about divestment and leveling up, on such a public forum like Twitter, is putting a target on your back. Even Christelyn has written an article on how our social media profiles impact our lives. Stop telling everyone how hurt you are. Stop broadcasting your pain and trauma for the world to see. Stop arguing with trolls. Stop letting Twitter drama impact your life.
It is time for us to connect privately. We must go underground. Things are not safe to study, plot and share online. If you can go on your self-improvement path alone, do so. Otherwise, get into groups of less than twelve. Why such a specific number? Well, Jesus had twelve disciples, and even one of them was a betrayer. Even if you are not religious, the smaller the circles are, the better chances you have for privacy, anonymity, and strategic sharing.
We have so much information at our disposal. It is time for us to master the basics: connecting with wealthy men; online dating; travelling internationally to places like Canada; enhancing your etiquette and style; mastering business essentials and completely Pink Pilling your life. (For the record, as I get these comments sometimes: I did not write this post to be a sales pitch, and I have bought EVERY course mentioned (full price, out of pocket) that I have mentioned in this list, and more.) At the end of the day, we need to dig into this content, revisit it over and over again, until we embody the concepts and move forward. This journey is a marathon, not a sprint.
I know that our community loves to tell us to “heal” or “get some self esteem about ourselves” whenever we express our pain or dysfunction in various ways. While I think those words are condescending, patronizing and tone deaf, they are true. You don’t want to have a situation where you leave an environment, but the environment doesn’t leave the inside of you. I want us to get cleaned up from the inside out – myself included. What are your demons? What are your fears? What are your traumas? What are your triggers? What are destructive behaviours that continue to hold you back? I personally have been in therapy since October 2020, and it has been such a cathartic experience. I would love to share about the benefits of therapy for black women in a future post.
Once, or maybe while you heal internally, I would encourage you to take the time to care for the external part of you as well. Your appearance makes up a lot of your first impression. Also, I truly believe that investing in your appearance can help you to feel good about yourself and navigating different spaces. Look for hairstyles that suit you. Try a new hobby. Learn a new language. Cook better or newer dishes for yourself. Get fit. Learn how to do makeup. Get a hairstyle that suits you. Become debt-free. Start your own business or a side hustle. Travel. Take the steps to live the best life that you want.
As I mentioned previously, we covered this idea in a previous post, but I think that it bears repeating. Stop writing diaries on social media. Stop broadcasting every idea that pops into your head. Stop telling every family member or acquaintance your plans. Enjoy the excitement and anticipation of keeping everything to yourself. I have to take this lesson to heart. I have a group of five friends that I continue to pour into. I love sharing my feelings, my brainstorming ideas, my thoughts and my plans. Slowly, I am starting to pull back, share less, and build something solid for myself. It is time for us to move forward, and announcing your plans ahead of time will put more obstacles in your path than necessary.
At the end of the day, motherhood can be drudgery or a rewarding experience. Personally, I believe in choosing the right man for the job, and having a child within the confines of marriage.
While many people may believe that we don’t have anything to look forward to – education, career or otherwise – except to have out of wedlock babies. If you really want my opinion, I think we should stop birthing black babies until further notice. Do not give any man a child unless he is worthy and he earns it. I am not encouraging abortion (pro-life here) or genocide. Follow me down the yellow brick road.
Our community needs a complete overhaul, and I believe that we need to take drastic measures to demand improvement. There are so many issues that are swept under the rug – rape, murder, molestation, abuse, misogynoir, sexual assault, and more, to say the least. We never stop to think about how our reckless reproduction could be feeding the military and prison industrial complexes, gang culture, and other aspects of the permanent underclass, but that is a completely different conversation. I want to keep this blog post as light as possible. Long story short, we need to ensure that we have the best circumstances as mothers, and birth our children in the best circumstances, with the brightest path for the future. I believe that we should seek communities of men and specific men that will protect, provide, produce and problem-solve, and birth children, IN WEDLOCK. Make #NoWeddingNoWomb more than a hashtag and a real action plan for your life.
So ladies, we have a choice to make. I wrote a blog post titled “Just How Divested Are You?” I think that is the opinion piece of which I am the most proud. I need us to start to truly ask ourselves this question. Nicole wrote an excellent companion piece: “Tell Me You’re Divested Without Telling Me You’re Divested.” I need us to examine this status as a spectrum. Are we “divested” like Toyin Salau, protesting and fighting for black liberation, only to be devoured by the same men for which you advocate? Are you “divested” like Destiny Harrison, fighting to improve your life, and your neighbourhood in the same environment that kept you down, only to be a victim of said community? Maybe you actually managed to get away and live your best life, but your big “divested” mouth ruins things for you and your loved ones, just to help a brother/sister out, as was the case with Kristen Gray.
It’s time for us to put up or shut up. Are we actually going to move on and divest, or are we going to hang at the door, griping, shouting and acting the plum fool? I know that we can do better, and I also know that I have room to grow and learn too. I hope you enjoyed this post. I tried to be nice, but I think that we need a bit of a wake-up call. Live long and prosper. May the Force be with you.
Thank you so much for reading this article! If any of you are interested in me covering a topic or participating in my interview series, please leave a comment below or connect with me or Christelyn Karazin. You can also e-mail me with post ideas, feedback and BB&W interview requests at [email protected], or send a direct message to Beyond Black and White on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. For more posts like this one, please subscribe to our website.
Feature Photo by Kindel Media from Pexels
“Author of Swirling. Advocate for black women finding love across color lines. Creator of The Pink Pill.”
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