Beautiful.

Since coming to Korea, there has been one word I keep hearing from Korean men… “Beautiful”. I could be standing there at the train station, in line, or simply just chilling somewhere minding my own business and I’ll often hear this from the men.

I’ve even had 2 men blow kisses at me while telling me how beautiful I am. I’ve been stopped in the hallways and asked what my name was because their friend wanted to know who I was.

I remember when I was teaching and I had to walk to my job, an old Korean man who could barely speak any English mustard up to tell me “Black is beautiful”.

One of my previous students even tried to set me up on a blind date. Although I thought it was sweet of him, I had just arrived in Korea and wasn’t necessarily interested in doing that, but it’s the thought that counts.

When I went on my Christmas vacation in Phuket, Thailand I met up with some French men who kept blowing kisses to me, calling me Beyonce, and one even went as far to buy a small gift for me because he couldn’t believe how beautiful I was…mind you he couldn’t speak any English, so he had his friend translate for him.

I write this today because I often read or hear that Korean men aren’t interested in black woman, and in my experience that hasn’t been the case.

I will say that in Korea, Koreans are more likely to date within in their own race…duh! However some…not all are opened to dating a foreigner and usually they are the ones who are practicing English.

I’ve had a previous teacher tell me the number of Korean Men-Black Women marriages she has attended since arriving in Korea. Therefore it does happen, but it’s not an everyday occurrence.

I think it would be safe to say that the men are more pressured to stay within the race due to the family name and because of the bloodline. Of course no Korean has actually said this to me, but I think it has a lot to do with it. The women are pretty much free to date whomever they want, because women in Korea are not highly valued. However the family would prefer she married a Korean.

Things are slowly changing especially since the younger generation isn’t really practicing the traditional customs like their parents did.

This is background knowledge to give as to why you’ll see more Korean women dating outside of their race as opposed to the men. This could also reflect the black community that for some reason the women are the ones who carry the family name (although we lose it when we are married) and the bloodline. I think black women are stuck between a rock and a hard place in one area we are expected to carry the race, in the other area we are not “highly valued” although the ratio of men and women in black colleges are 7:1. I think you can only feel stuck if you allow yourself to be, which is why black women should opt for the freedom of choice as Mr. and Mrs. Loving did. In the end it’s your happiness that is on the line.

The point I’m driving home is this…stop having people tell you which group or race thinks you’re not beautiful. Who are they to determine that? And why do we allow that discussion to happen? I know it sounds cliché but my advice to any woman out there is simply just be yourself. By the time you turn yourself into a pretzel you’ll grow tired and angry over nothing. Be yourself; be happy, you’d be surprised how you’ll attract people to you because you allow your own light to shine.

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