I’m a ‘spiritual’ person. And what I mean by that is this: I feel that when I’m in need of hearing or learning something, God (I’m a Christian, so I’m referring to the Christian God here) puts a person or a situation in my path to nudge me towards the direction I’m supposed to be traveling.

I recently had a little nudge.

On the post titled “Daniel Patrick Moynihan Predicted the Future of the Black Family But Too Few People Actually Listened,” commenter said to me:

Oh my gosh. Please stop being combative. This is how you live your life? Calm down please. As I stated earlier, I’ve got to get up early. I already mentioned I would do what I promised tomorrow. I typically cite, more than most people on the Internet, but I was already too tired when I mentioned the report was on the Internet for anyone to see.

My posts are typically long-winded and I didn’t have the energy to do so this early in the morning (I’m east coast – it is now 3:00 am), but if you THINK you are trying to “corner some kind of animal”, you’ve got another thing coming.

You are not civil. Your statement, “I’m not going to watch the video’s because I don’t care about what Anita Hill said.” is evidence of that. You’ll get my quote and supporting statement that I planned to write tomorrow in good faith, now, WHEN I FEEL LIKE IT, but then we’re done.

I don’t waste my time on women like you who don’t know how to behave in a civil dialogue. I’m trying to see where I attacked you… nope, nowhere. I’m so glad that my parent’s raised me and that I learned that education and information are tools for togetherness and exciting conversation, not weapons of non-existent wars wielded by hurry come-ups.

Someone needs to moderate the mod. How OBVIOUS was it that my posts were coming from a collegial place, or did you think that I was backing down therefore, like a castrated bull, you decide to charge. What is that supposed to make you feel better about yourself? Good luck with that…

My offense? Publicly proclaiming that I had no intention of watching the YouTube video on the link she posted, and that I would be here when she came back with the evidence that she said she was going to come back to provide.

I’m not one to tolerate what I believe to be an unwarranted meltdown or an attack on my character because I don’t want to kiss your arse, so I banned her.

And then, I started to think about it. I felt a little unsettled–not that I feel I did anything wrong, mind you (OK, I could have been a little bit more sensitive in my ability to use the power I’ve been granted. A little.)

While randomly reading through the archives of What About Our Daughters, I came across this gem from that blog’s webmistress:

As the blogger you are conferred status that a blog “commentator” does not have. Therefore when you speak in the comments, what you say carries more weight than what another commentator says. So if I call someone out as the host of the party, that person will take it completely differently than they would if someone else said it. YOU AREN’T EQUAL! Sure you want to be like everybody else. You want everybody to treat to the same, but that’s not possible. You are GOD in this space for all practical purposes. With that comes considerable POWER, but also responsibility. For the most part, I only really tangle with one person on a regular basis in the comments section and that’s because I know she can handle it, but yes, I know that if I say something unkind or harsh in the comments section it can affect people profoundly. Whether I want them to or not, some unfortunate souls hold me in higher regard than I would prefer. Acting like you are “just one of the crowd” will just lead to heartache on your part. You aren’t like everybody else when you’re the blogger. Just like a hostess doesn’t really get to behave like a guest at a dinner party, even when you get catering. You have additional responsibility.

As Oprah would say, I had an Aha! moment.

For starters, I want to let you all know what my responsibility as a moderator is: I am supposed to encourage and facilitate discussion among commenters while erasing comments–and occasionally banning commenters–which break the blog rules. And, I have to be fair above all else while executing my duties. That’s all. I don’t know what time zone you are in, or whether you are just getting up or going to bed. I don’t know what you have going on in your personal life–whether you have had therapy in the past or need to get some therapy in the future. It is not my responsibility to read every link you provide, read every book you suggest, or watch every YouTube video you claim is a ‘must see’.

So, having said all of that, I have to realize, understand and accept that even no matter whether I agree or disagree with you–even if I don’t respond to your comment–I have a tremendous amount of power over you. And, when I do speak to you, you may feel differently about what I say compared to if I was just another person making a comment. You may take it more personally. You may feel embarrassed when I publicly and forcefully disagree with you. In general, you are probably just far more sensitive to anything I say to you–no matter how nicely I say it. I say I’m not going to watch your YouTube video; you feel like I just mocked you in front of all the cool kids.

So, in recognition of my own power, I’ve decided to take a much more ‘hands-off’ approach to the comments section. I can’t go back and forth with you because we are not equals in this place; yes, we are equals as human beings, in worth and value. I know that you all are just as smart as me, if not more so. But, we are not equal in terms of level of influence and control in this particular forum—and I just have to accept that.

Are there any more suggestions, comments, or queries you have for me, or the moderators in general?