When I’m in a dating rut like the one I’m in now, I like to use my free time to get reacquainted with myself. Get your mind out the gutter (or was that just me?); I’m talking about self-reflection through astrology.

Is love written in the stars? I know that a lot of people think astrology is a bunch of malarkey and I certainly can understand why.  Daily horoscopes are purposely vague so that they can apply to any person on any given day, and it’s not possible that every person born under the same Sun sign could all collectively be experiencing similar situations. I read mine everyday nonetheless. It sort of gives me a goal or theme for the day and occasionally they do seem uncannily accurate.  Furthermore, your Sun sign is just the tip of the iceberg. No two birth charts are exactly the same unless those people were born in the same place at exactly the same time- and then you have to take in to account the numerous external cultural and sociological factors that shape an individual’s personality as well. Astrology is not an exact science; it’s more like an ancient philosophy.

There will naturally be some people who will find that their birth chart does not describe their personality at all. My mother’s chart is so unlike her personality that I wonder if the information on her birth certificate could possibly be correct. Some of the aspects (the positions of the planets and the angles they make to each other) in a birth chart can be completely contradictory to one another, which is probably a good thing. Otherwise a lot of us would have really extreme personalities. If you’ve ever met someone with the same Sun, Moon and Rising sign you know what I mean. Overall, I’ve found most birth charts to be fairly accurate (if not spot on) descriptions of the people I know. It is way too difficult for a novice to draw up and interpret a birth chart, but if you know the date, time and place of your birth you can get a free short personality report at https://www.astro.com.

A friend recently gifted me with a popular book on astrology called The Secret Language of Relationships by Goldscheider and Elffers which analyzes Sun sign personalities by the week you were born. You might recognize a certain blogger in the brief description below for people born in the second week of Cancer (July 3-10):

Cancer II’s can appear quite normal and may occupy ordinary positions in the working world, but they are irresistibly attracted to the unusual and the bizarre . . . They often make friends with extreme types and are capable of being so interested in such people that they wind up living with or marrying one.

Do you remember Part VII of my love quest where I wrote, “I actually get a kick out of meeting and interacting with quirky or eccentric people even if they don’t turn out to be good romantic partners.”? Yep. It goes on to say:

Obsession may come to dominate the life of a Cancer II. It is hard for them to control their desires, particularly when they have become attached to a love object who is less than responsive.

That certainly seems to describe my relationship with Boy Wonder and a few other obsessions I’d like to pretend never happened. Coincidentally, (or is it?) they were mostly with men born in the second week of November (Scorpio II.) Perhaps it would be wise for me to avoid this personality type in the future, but I think it’s a bad idea to eliminate a possible mate solely based on his astrological sign. I find most Aquarians too emotionally distant, Virgos too critical and Sagittarians too non-committal for my taste, but there are always exceptions.

Though astrology is probably the oldest and most popular form of personality assessment, I have yet to find an analysis that describes me more accurately than The Enneagram. The Enneagram identifies only nine personalities and is similar to Numerology but is based on psychological study rather than mysticism. Renee Baron and Elizabeth Waegele have published a relationship book on the subject for the layperson, Are You My Type, Am I Yours: Relationships Made Easy through the Enneagram. It didn’t take me long to determine that I was a Four (The Romantic):

• I long or have longed for the perfect soul mate to come along
• I tend to be attracted to unattainable, unavailable or inappropriate people
• I am drawn to the intense or out of the ordinary
• People are attracted to me for my creativity, warmth and depth of feelings
• I have a flair for clothes and enjoy looking a bit offbeat
• It has been difficult to find a relationship in which I really feel loved
• I have been or have felt abandoned.

In relationships, Female Fours most often choose Male Nines (The Peacemaker.) Nines are motivated to live in harmony, to merge with others and to avoid conflict. Nines are accepting, patient and nonjudgmental, but they can also be passive-aggressive, stubborn and defensive. Male Eights (The Asserter) also tend to gravitate towards Female Fours. Eights are motivated by the need to be self-reliant, strong and to make an impact on the world. They are confident, energetic, protective and loyal, but they can also be insensitive, self-centered and combative. Well, what can you do? Nobody’s perfect.

If I seem to focus on the negative it’s only because I’m more interested in self-improvement. Some people are resistant to astrology because they don’t like to be categorized, they have a general fear or dislike of the metaphysical, or they simply refuse to confront things about themselves they don’t like. It’s important to remember that a horoscope is not your fate. It is merely one method of gaining insight to your own proclivities so you can adjust for them and live your best life. There are also a lot of positive aspects in my astrological birth chart and Enneagram type that indicate a socially magnetic person with a kind, passionate and emotionally-sensitive nature who is highly imaginative and possesses artistic talent. I focus on these positive qualities to combat some of the more negative ones. If that doesn’t work, I go buy myself a new pair of shoes.

I welcome comments from both the skeptics and the true believers.