Married Swirling

Lessons to learn from Rohan Marley’s recent nuptials

Written by Penelope Farthing

Rohan Marley, son of the legendary Bob Marley, got married to his Brazilian bride Barbara Fialho, back in March. And like anything, there are SO many lessons to look at here.

When I was reading the article (linked here), a few things jumped out at me:

Black men of means ARE marriage minded.

From the article, Barbara said “In the first week of dating he started talking about the idea.”, with the idea being getting married. It took Rohan seven whole days to know Babs was the one. So when a man of any race says, oh, I’m not ready, I need more time, we’re just talking, and all their other excuses, chances are, he does know and will play you for the fool as long as you let him. After four years of dating, Rohan and Barbara tied the knot. Despite 13 years and 5 children together, Rohan didn’t see fit to marry Lauryn. He did marry his first wife though. Black men can, will, and do get married, but it seems that their aversion to it might be tied to the fact that black women don’t require it from them before providing wifely things, like heirs. Additionally, Barbara made damn sure she said those vows before she got pregnant, by the way. Which leads me to my next point…

Don’t give immortality to men who have not proven themselves to you.

It’s like the old saying goes, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? Rohan has immortality through the five children Lauryn had for him, and the two from his first marriage. And, according to the article, Barbara wants two kids and Rohan wants…many. As if seven isn’t “many”, but…whatever. So ladies, let’s be clear, loud, and on the megaphone for the people in the cheap seats: even if you have one or two or twelve of his children, and you’re not married, YOU ARE STILL JUST A GIRLFRIEND, but with more mouths to feed, baggage, and no legal claim to anything should anything happen.

Swirl to your heart’s desire.

Barbara is a beautiful model 15 years’ Rohan’s junior. She is also not black. I don’t know the reason Rohan and Lauryn parted ways, but you can see for yourself, Rohan found his happiness in whatever package it came in, as this is his second non-black partner (that we know of) since his split from Lauryn. So when you, my fellow black woman, proclaim your mantra of “nothing but a black man for me!” to all that will hear, remember, the black man does not necessarily feel the same way. In fact, he knows you’ll still be there when the wife drops him and takes her half, and he can find love in your arms, penniless and destitute. So, if you are approached by a handsome fella who meets all your standards, but he’s not black, take the leap! Your male counterparts have, so you certainly can too.

Don’t be the “other woman”.

Before you say, “you’re so hard on black men” , yes, you’re right. So, let me also add in that Lauryn (allegedly) started seeing Rohan while he was still married to his first wife. Obviously Rohan is no prize, with his financial issues, jail time, and his alleged infidelity.  But, Lauryn’s also in the wrong for being the alleged side chick to a married man. So, once again, if you meet a guy who checks all the boxes, but he is married, he no longer checks all the boxes, so don’t approach him and decline his advances if he approaches you. If said man is married and makes the first move, he is trash anyway and not worth your time. Remember, if he’s cheating on his wife with you, he’ll cheat on you with the next one. It’s not a point of pride to be the sidepiece, no matter what rap lyrics and the court of public opinion might say.

I say all that to so stop carrying out wifely duties while they give you barely-boyfriend things in return. Marriage is NOT just a piece of paper, and if you believe that, ask Barbara what she’ll get if (heaven forbid) something happened to Rohan next week, and then ask Lauryn.

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