Written by Nicole J.

The narrative commonly believed is that because I didn’t marry a black man and still write about black women’s relationship issues, that must mean I’m just so miserable, right?

Just a quick question though, do you assume that of the black men who take nonblack women to be their lawfully wedded wife (or baby mama), who, even though they too are happily married, and still degrade black women via memes, YouTube videos, and pop culture?

Can you just imagine the nerve of the black women who have finally had enough of the constant degrading and demoralizing by black men and choose to speak out against the mistreatment of the collective of black women, while daring to have a husband whose melanin content is lower than her own?! How dare she say things that are easily perceived by everybody and suggest a radical option of leaving the so-called community behind in favor of her own happiness!

It boggles the mind that people have functioning eyes and still come out against people calling a spade a spade.

Like, seriously. If we assumed that every heterosexual black man and woman in America were equally matched in every way, there would still be a deficit of men to go around. So what are the “left over” women to do? Share? Die alone?

Numbers don’t lie. There are simply not enough black men to go around, before even considering things like education level or criminal history. The more black women who bail on waiting for the mythical Good Black Men to manifest in favor of a Good Nonblack Man (note, I didn’t say any old nonblack man), the more there will be of the good ones to go around. So why are people complaining? People in support of black love should encourage more black women to date and marry out, just to reduce the competition, as there are more Good Black Women than Good Black Men. People in support of black partnerships, especially the ones with a platform, should encourage black men to step up and be better, so that there are more of the good ones to choose from. Black men should not get graded on a curve just because they’re black. That’s the attitude that keeps the out-of-wedlock statistic where it is. All black women should grade potential suitors on the content of their character, not because they have as much melanin as you do.

So, just to be clear.

I’m not miserable at all. I’m very happy with my life so far. You can believe me, or not, it doesn’t bother me. As I have found my happiness, I want other black women to find their happiness too, as long as the man who provides it is worthy of her.