Heartache after a break up can be so painful. Your heart literally hurts, and you’re often desperate to make it go away. You might go for back up booty. You might overeat. You might drink too much. You might make yourself so busy so you can’t think about it–at least until you’re lying in your bed and the tears trickle down your cheeks and on to your pillow.

Matthew Hussey, relationship coach and best selling author has some really sound advice. But before you hear it, take in my advice.

The key to getting over heartbreak and a break up is to go through it. You need to feel all those feelings, cry all those tears…ALL OF THEM!!! Shout, rage, hid in your bed. Do all this, but on a deadline. Take 72 hours max and get it all out. And then pick yourself up. When you have a thought and feeling of sadness about the loss of the relationship, acknowledge the thought, and then move away from it. Say to yourself, “Yes I’m sad, it hurts. But I’m going to focus on [whatever you’re doing] and see it through.”

I think there’s not enough attention brought to “feeling it through,” especially for black women who are often socialized not to show weakness or ever cry. But studies prove that crying and feeling are part of the healing process, and the body literally releases hormones like oxytocin to help calm you. And after crying, your mind is more reflective. Which leads to my second suggestion–do a postmortem.

Assess the character of your partner, and why you chose him. Think about what felt good and why. Think about what felt bad and why. Reflect on what went wrong so it’s not repeated.

Now for Matthew.

Focus on important things that make you get a sense of progress. And with progress, come possibility.

To learn more about Matthew and how he can coach you through getting a healthy relationship with the RIGHT guy, click here.