From the Decrepit desk of SirLoinDeBeef

Continuing with the format at sickens the soul first  limerick

The bottle of perfume that Willy sent
was highly displeasing to Millicent.
Her thanks were so cold
that they quarreled, I’m told
o’er that silly scent Willy sent Millicent.

Found on a tombstone, away out West:

Here lies the body of Lester Moore

Took four slugs from a .44

Just four;

No Les,

No Moore!

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We are told that, in order to dispose of vampires, one must drive a stake through the heart, shove a stick through the throat or hit them in the face with a Bavarian Cream Pie … a stake, a stick or a shtick.

– – – – – – –

In the old days, there was a woodlands Indian who could hardly paddle his own canoe. Each time he set out, he got this terrible crick in his back, and the pain would double him over. Consulting the village shaman (medicine man) he was told to go ashore and thrust his paddle into the ground and then slowly climb it, hand over hand. So when next he set out to gather wild rice, the familiar crick spasm happened. Gaining the shore, he slowly, painfully, inch-by-inch, hand-over-hand, climbed up the paddle until … he was standing tall, with no pain finding himself up the paddle without a crick.

– – – – – – –

Down on the beach, I saw a man throwing rocks at seagulls. He wanted to leave no tern unstoned.

– – – – – –

At the art gallery, the customer was overheard to ask, “I’m looking for a colorful painting for my bedroom.”

The art dealer replied, “Well, there’s this one here. It’s called ‘The Ferret’s Elf’.”

The customer replied, “Oh, uh, no … Those colors are too fair. I’m looking for something with darker, richer, more vibrant colors.” He turned to leave.

The art dealer quickly said, “Wait, wait, don’t go. We have many other paintings with darker, richer colors. I assure you that this is the only one like this.”

Impressed, the customer answered, “Really?”

The art dealer said, “Yes! In fact …..

“The only thing we have too fair is ‘Ferret’s Elf.”

>>> See ya next Monday <<<

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