Monday-Punday #24

SirLoin thought you’d all enjoy this bit of wisdom …

The Pink Gorilla

A middle-aged man is on a business trip through Romania. He had missed the train and so had to take a little rental car instead. His car was around 20 years old and was not really up to the trip, but needing to close a deal for his company, he was determined to make it there on time.

Our guy started to drive down the highway. He spent an hour or so on the main road. Things were going well but he took a wrong turn and he found himself driving down long, single-lane dirt road, lined with dark trees and rocky sides. Soon, he encountered a very steep climb up through a mountain pass.

As he reached the top he heard a loud bang and the vehicle shook violently. He coasted just enough to make it over the pass and start downhill. He stopped at the peak of the climb and opened up the hood and being not very mechanically inclined, he had no idea what was wrong.

He got back in the car and tried to start the car but it just would not start. He coasted down the hill for almost a full mile and as it flattened out, slowly the car rolled to a halt. He tried and call a towing company to get his car, but his phone has no signal and was almost dead.

So having seen nothing in the last 20 miles, he decides to walk.

He continues on foot for a long way, till he sees a small driveway which shows no signs of recent use. He decides it’s worth a shot to go check this out. He walks down this driveway for at least half a mile before he finds a massive iron gate connected to a large stone wall on each side. As he approached the gate, the gate creaks and squeaks and slowly opens inward.

A bit startled, he cautiously walks through the gate and continues down the path. He hears a noise behind him and he turns to see the gate slowly swing shut and close with a loud bang. The man jumps at the sound and decides this wasn’t the best idea, so he runs quickly back to the gate, but it is shut and refuses to open.

He decides to continue on and go find the house on this property. He walks for another 5 minutes before seeing a massive old stone castle looming in front of him. The front doors must have been 20 feet tall, and there were only a few narrow openings for windows, with a tower on the far right side of the house.

The man slowly walks up the massive stone steps and through the huge pillars and right up to the large wooden doors. He finds the courage to grab the massive lions head knocker and knocks on the door. Surprisingly, a short, man in a butlers uniform opens the door.

“Can I help you?” asks the butler

“I was looking for a telephone. My car broke down and I don’t have cell signal and…”

“Follow me.” said the butler, sternly cutting him off.

He follows the butler into the largest foyer he has ever seen with rich thick red carpets on the floor and gigantic iron chandeliers hanging from a ceiling so high it reminded him of a Gothic cathedral he had seen many years ago in Italy.

The butler shows him the telephone and telephone book and leaves him to call the towing company. The towing company is quite busy and because of the language problems and the distance to his car from any major town, they are not able to send a truck till the next morning.

“What did they say?” asked the butler.

“They can’t send a truck till tomorrow. Is there a chance I could mayb…”

“Right this way, we have many guest bedrooms.” says the butler cutting him off again.

He follows the butler down a long hallway lined with suits of armor and shields with different coats of arms, and then into a large central room. There was a massive iron cage in the center, with just enough space to get around the edges, next to the wall. Inside the cage was a large, powerful, pink gorilla.

The butler, with a finger to his lips, indicated silence as he continued to lead him around the huge iron cage. Finally, up a staircase, was a lavishly decorated bedroom with a large four post bed and a surprisingly large and modern bathroom.

“You must never touch the pink gorilla!” warned the butler, and then he vanished, down the hall, almost running away.

Our man goes to bed and tries to sleep, but he can’t stop thinking about the pink gorilla. Why was the gorilla in a cage inside a castle? Why was it pink?

He eventually decides he wants to go take another look, not to touch, but just to see. Down the stairs and into the large central room. He slowly walked around the cage until he was at a point where the gorilla was a mere arms length from the cage bars. The pink gorilla was sitting there snoring, sleeping like a baby. So our guy slowly reached in the cage and softly poked the gorilla in the arm.

The gorilla awoke with a scream of rage. Sniffing his arm he uttered a low guttural growl. The man quickly withdrew his arm and headed for the door. The gorilla then released a long loud cry and started going crazy at the bars of the cage. He started actually bending the bars, getting it close to where he could actually get out. Then he ripped one of the bar off and howled again.

The man, terrified, started sprinting for the massive front door. The man ran out the front door and sprinted back down the driveway. He came to the iron gate and again it wouldn’t open for him. So he began to climb.

He got to the top and as he climbed over he heard the gorilla’s cry and being so startled he fell down on the other side of the gate tearing his new clothes in the process. He stumbled down the driveway towards the main road and as he looked back he saw the gorilla climbing up the gate.

Running as hard as he could he ran back to the main road and then back towards his car, the gorilla not far behind. As he finally reached his car exhausted, he tried to start his car but it just wouldn’t start.

The gorilla was running up to the car as he tries again to start the car. The gorilla roars and the man reaches over and pushes down the lock by his shoulder and tries again in vain to start the car.

The gorilla then starts to push and rock the car, violently shaking the car. He eventually rips off the driver side door. The gorilla then leans down and roars right in the man’s cowering head, spewing drool all over his face and shoulders.

The gorilla then reaches his arm into the car and pokes the man in the shoulder and says …

“TAG! You’re it.”