Monday-Punday #27

SirLoin notes that one of the delights of teaching History is the occasional jewel of a student blooper in a essay, derived from students from 8th grade through College. Read carefully and you may learn a lot:

“The inhabitants of Egypt were called Mummies. They lived in the Sarah desert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants had to live elsewhere, so certain areas of the dessert are cultivated by irritation. The Egyptians built the Pyramids in the shape of a large, triangular cube. The Pyramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain.”

“The bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinesses, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Citizen Kane, asked, “Am I my brother’s son?” God asked Abraham to sacrifice Issac on Mount Montezuma. Jacob, son of Issac, stole his brother’s birthmark. Jacob was a patriarch who brought up his 12 suns to be patriarchs, but they did not take to it. One of Jacob’s sons, Joseph, gave refuse to the Israelites.”

“Pharaoh forced the Hebrew slaves to make bread without straw. Moses led them to the Red Sea, where they made unlevened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Afterward, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten suggestions, which were commandments. David was a Hebrew king skilled in playing the liar. He fought with the Philatelists, a race of people who lived in Biblical times. Solomon, one of David’s suns, had 500 wives and 500 porcupines”

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These are things actually heard in court, word for word:

Q: What is your date of birth?

A: July fifteenth

Q: What year?

A: Every year.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke in the morning?

A: He said, “Where am I, Cathy?”

Q: And why did that upset you?

A: My name is Susan

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?

A: We both do.

Q: Voodoo?

A: We do.

Q: You do?

A: Yes, voodoo

Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?

A: Yes.

Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

Q: All of your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

A: Oral.

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

A : Yes.

Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?

A. All of my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q. But, Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

A: No.

Q: Did you check for blood pressure?

A. No.

Q: Did you check for breathing?

A: No.

Q: So, then is it possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

A: No.

Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

Q: But, notwithstanding your last answer, could the patient still have been alive, nevertheless?

A: (After a brief pause) It is possible that he could have been alive somewhere, practicing law.

See ya’all, next week.