First, I strongly recommend everyone read this article and watch the video on the subject.

Pay special attention to these parts here:

“At the time, Traylor was in what she believed was a monogamous relationship. During her annual doctor’s visit, she was disturbed to realize she had to ask specifically for an HIV test on top of a standard STD panel. She insisted on taking the test even though her doctor told her — as a heterosexual woman involved in a monogamous relationship — that she was low risk.

Later Traylor broke up with her boyfriend and began a new committed relationship. That was the year her life changed. Despite vigilance in testing, Traylor wasn’t prepared for what she found out at her doctor’s visit that year: She was HIV positive. Two weeks later she learned she was pregnant with her second child.”

It hadn’t been her current boyfriend who’d given her the disease, but rather an ex-boyfriend to whom she had been faithfully committed.

Who wants to bet she was led to believe that she was the “only one” this guy was sleeping with? It could be a situation where you have a man that’s HIV+ but doesn’t care and is just out infecting black women because he’s full of evil and hate. And that’s scary enough on its own. But even more scary than that? It could be he had no idea and still has no idea he’s HIV+. And that’s often the case despite these very real facts taken from the article in question:

– According to the CDC, 50,000 Americans are infected with HIV each year, and 25% of those are between the ages of 13 and 24.

– Sixty percent of youth with HIV don’t know they have it, despite recommendations from the CDC, the American Academy of Pediatrics and the U.S. Preventive Services Task Force.

Some other aspects of the article that a lot black women don’t want to hear about: The black men passing around AIDs aren’t just creeping around with “dirty man-stealing hos”. Sometimes the other woman is ACTUALLY the other man:

“The reality is, today, the majority of HIV infections are among men who have sex with men,” Kaplan said. “Without a doubt, we need broader screening efforts, but I think overall we need broader talk about sexuality in the United States.”

I would gladly rephrase that as “talk about sexuality among the black community”, because for all the NO HOMO! talk, some down-low love is going on, and it’s not all in jail and against someone’s will.

A number of young (and old) black women need to wake up to some uncomfortable realities when it comes to their bodies and their love life.

First, too many black women assume that the rules of a committed relationship outside of marriage is totally the same as being married. Just because you are faithful and true and almost-married doesn’t mean the brotha you’re with feels the same. And with there being more black women around than black men, especially women with man-sharing behaviors, what makes you think they want to feel that way? They certainly don’t have to feel that way. For your own peace of mind and physical safety…VET YOUR MEN WELL!

And by the way, that’s just the heterosexual black men. As was pointed out, a lot of black women are being infected by the double-dipping nobody wants to talk about: bisexual black men or gay black men playing the role of straight male. Men having unprotected sex with other men, and the infected men passing STDs/STIs along to their partners (both men and women), who then pass it to someone else, who passes it to someone else, etc.

In a recent post, there was a lot of talk about black women feeling “threatened” about holding onto a man and believing that if they don’t give it up, someone else will. That sort of I-need-to-spread-my-legs-to-keep-a-man fear is real, and it’s ruining lives because it’s built on an ugly lie. No man that demands you spread your legs or they’re “gonna find someone who will” is worth keeping. Especially if you’re being given this ultimatum after knowing the man all of two weeks. Laugh, but it does happen. And some young women don’t know they don’t have to listen to this kind of talk. They don’t know that they should insist on using condoms even if it doesn’t make their beau happy. They don’t know that every act of unprotected sex risks much more than an unwanted pregnancy.

These young women are risking their health and possibly their lives.

It isn’t enough to pretend that your being with one guy is enough to save your life and your womb. Because it’s not. Get tested often, and always use protection. Monogamy isn’t a condom.