(First and second parts are here)

Before I move on to part three (indoctrination), I wanted to mention that sometimes I observe behaviors from people who don’t seem to realize that they aren’t being addressed in a certain situation: They seem to think they are being targeted when they are not. They participate in discussions that aren’t addressed to them. They get upset about situations that do not concern them. They make up their mind to be offended about topics that were never for them anyway. It may be a situation where they are co-opting someone else’s feelings on the matter. Or, it could genuinely be this: They actually do not realize that they are not the intended “target”.

I kind of have made being a target out to be a bad thing throughout this series, but usually that really depends on the context and the purpose of taking aim at a particular group. Sometimes a message is a good thing that you want to reach you. And other times, it isn’t. In those instances you should refer to the first and second parts of this series.

But if you are NOT the target….then what?

First, determine if you are actually not the target:

– Do you feel singled out?

– Do you feel directly affected (physically, mentally, emotionally)?

– If you fail to take notice or action, will there likely be consequences?

Odds are if you found yourself saying no to these questions, you are not the target of whatever situation to which they can be applied. Congratulations, you are not in danger of being caught in range of the bull’s-eye! Now what do you do?

The second thing is actually something you do not want to do: Force yourself to be a target. This can be accomplished by completely hijacking the discussion in order to make it about your non-target self and your non-targeted feelings. Or it can be about how you, a non-target, can take the opportunity rub salt in the wounds of the targeted. Or both.

For example, I came across and participated in a conversation (I think it was a political discussion community, and it wasn’t exclusively black) where black women with natural hair described having people treat them like animals in a petting zoo. People came and put their hands on or in their hair without even bothering to ask permission. The experience for some of these women was particularly upsetting and dehumanizing. Then, in popped random white woman to discuss how she had “hair issues” herself and how it can draw negative attention to her. But she felt it’s probably just about hair and not anything racist and that maybe those persons were taking it the wrong way.

Now, was this woman “the target”? NO! Did she insist on making herself “the target”? YES! Did she succeed? …YES! Because she was blown to smithereens following the indignation that erupted. Mission accomplished: They sank her battleship. It might have been worth it to her for the opportunity to wave her privilege, but of course I am assuming she still has hair to complain about.

But I digress.

Third, rather than force yourself to be a target, you realize being a non-target means you choose, and choose wisely, whether or not to have anything to do with a particular bull’s-eye. What this means is understanding that not every bull’s-eye that appears in front of you is something you need to do something about. Some people are willing to move in front of those bull’s-eyes because they are concerned about intended targets being harmed and feel compelled to act. Or they feel that people are being “targeted” with information that is false and fear-mongering. And so they’ve made the choice to do something. But some people should also realize that in some cases, choosing to not do or not speak isn’t the wrong choice. In fact, making the choice to be a target can go horribly wrong.

In some situations, it’s a good thing to empathize with other people regarding their experiences. If you feel you can offer insight into achieving higher education, being able to travel abroad, dating interracially, etc., your participation in discussion and activities is certainly a good thing. And that’s even though the conversation is aimed at persons who don’t have these experiences. Certainly it’s acceptable to lend words of advice to those who need it. It doesn’t matter in these cases that you are not directly addressed in a conversation: You’re adding something useful and positive to the situation or discussion.

At the same time, if you are not the target and you are not obligated to say anything on the matter, you don’t have to. If a conversation is not something you feel is for you, you do not need to make it so. Move on to something else you find more your speed.