I love my job. I get to do stuff single people can do, just without all the drama and sex. Last week, for earnest research and some mingling, I went to the Asian Men/Black Women Unite meetup at Dockweiler Beach in Vista Del Mar, California. My buddy Ricky invited me to hang out for my first-ever beach bonfire, and I gotta tell ya, it’s the cleanest beach I’ve ever seen. Clean, not too busy, plenty of parking because the $8 fee is ridiculous. But Ricky was a gentleman–he paid for my space because of course, I never carry cash BECAUSE WHO ON EARTH DOESN’T ACCEPT DEBIT CARDS?!

I finally got to meet the people I commune with on Facebook and Ricky’s friend Josh, who was in town from New Jersey. He’s nursing a broken heart, otherwise I would have TOTALLY thrown you guys some fresh meat. He’s STOOPID funny and the Jersey accent wins him MAJOR cute points. We laughed a lot, drank plum wine (which by the way, will give you diabetes after just one glass it’s so sweet) Korean fried rice, and carne asada beef that we grilled on the fire like cavemen must have done. One thing I felt was absolutely no sexual tension between anyone in the group–it was warm and friendly, and I learned a little something about Chinese and Korean culture, and learned a little bit about Nigerian culture from one of the ladies who came along.

The Ancient Chinese Secret of Asian Men!!

So Ricky and I had a talk about the mating practices of the elusive and reserved Asian man. We both agreed that they move as slow as snail bowel movements when it comes to expressing their interest in women, which can be especially perplexing for Western black women, who are used to more…uh…aggressive overtures. It’s a super clash of cultures, and all I can say is, if you want to date an Asian guy, you’d better start going to the meetups they have throughout the country, because it might be the only way to build the conditions favorable for these guys to ask you out before you turn 40.

But even if you don’t make a hook up, or not looking to, there’s something amazing about getting to know people from other cultures, learning from them, and eating their food.

By the way, these Asian guys take karaoke VERY seriously.

Take a look at the video. Never mind the fly swarming around using all the foul language. Everyone except him was completely normal…