I feel confident in saying that my hunny is a pretty handsome fella. Many other women seem to think so as well. When we go out he often gets offered free drinks by white female bartenders (which he usually passes on to me). He has gotten his ass grabbed in public several times by Hispanic girls. And recently, my Marine turned college student been reporting to me that several Asian girls in clubs he’s apart of (Japanese club and Anime club) have expressed interest in him. I am also very proud of myself that I don’t seem to be the jealous type, and I’m completely secure that my hunny (or sweet agave nectar, a vegan joke between the two of us) is completely devoted to me.

Recently, we have discussed at BB&W, pillar of salt women whom often date interracially as a short-term replacement for the black men they really desire; as well as women so lost in cognitive dissonance that they feel the need to “warn” black women who express preference in non-black men when they are actually the ones that need to take a look at their dating choices. Also, the misadventures of NBABM black women are always on regular rotation. The opinions of such women somehow remain the standard, even beyond the online rag mags such as Clutch and Madame Noir. The way many black women crudely profess their distaste for interracial dating in public forums has done those of us who have those preferences a great disservice. Not only do many non-black men report being rudely rejected by black women, but I’m sure there are many more don’t even bother to approach black women, not because they are scared or nervous, but because they simply don’t want to be bothered with being rejected because of the color of their skin.

As I always say, black women’s marketing is all messed up; to the point where a random non-black cutie may decide to not bother perusing an interest in black women simply by overhearing a conversation.

Jay recounted for me an incident that happened to him recently. While heading home from classes he stopped at a Chipotle restaurant for dinner where he spotted a group of black women chatting with each other. Very soon he couldn’t help but overhear their conversation. This was a group of NBABM black women animatedly (loudly) discussing their preference for black men. It didn’t take them long to get to the real nitty gritty of the conversation. Not only were these women talking about how much they loved black men, they were also discussing how they “couldn’t stand” white men, Hispanic men, Indian men and the like.

Then they began pointing out and laughing at the various non-black men in the restaurant, stating how undesirable they were. Pretty soon, Jay heard them mention his telltale Sonic the hedgehog cap. At this point, he told me just about everyone in the restaurant had become privy to the conversation, including all of the other non-black men. After all, this was smack dab in the middle of Manhattan.

All he could do was shake his head as he sat down to his dinner. Getting comfortable, he removed his jacket to reveal a fitted shirt and all of his lovely muscles. After that, he could not help but notice one of the women in the group continuously glancing over in his direction. And as the group got up to leave, the woman trailed behind in order to get a few last peaks.

Fortunately for my hunny, he already has a black woman who thinks the world of him. But I don’t even want to imagine how put off a single man would be in a similar situation. This group of women had no idea that when they mentioned him in their conversation they were discussing a man with a preference for black women.

Jay told me that it wasn’t even their conversation that disturbed him, it was the one woman that kept eyeing him like he was a Christmas turkey (torfurky), when just moments prior she was discussing with fervor how much she “couldn’t stand” men like him, that really annoyed him.

It’s been made pretty clear that a lot of women like these don’t even care about how their opinions affect black women who are attracted to non-black men. In fact, these women will go out of their way to “urge” such black women to look at character over color while being completely unaware (completely ignoring) that, that is precisely why they have such preferences in the first place. I can only imagine how that conversation would have turned if I were with him.

This is why it is up to us as black women interested in dating interracially to not only let our preferences be known, but to also be unafraid to put ourselves in the line of men that we are interested in. Even if we leave the approaching, courting, what have you, up to them, being an active participant in your own love lives is more important now than ever before.

It is extremely necessary for us to realize that even men who are, or could potentially be interested in black women are not immune to the world around them and how people perceive them. Not only that but it is also extremely necessary for us to realize that these men also have feelings and opinions based on their experiences that should be understood and respected just the same as we demand. Men who are looking for serious relationships will not stand by for too long and put up games of silly women just for the sake of upholding their preferences.

Jay’s brother not too long ago told me he also had a preference for black women many years ago, but gave up on it after being rudely rejected one too many times and told that he was not as good as a black man. He now dates an Asian girl that treats him wonderfully.

I also once had a very handsome Argentinean co-worker who had a preference for black women, but ended up marrying a white woman after being similarly rejected by black women too many times. He told me he didn’t understand why these women claimed to want relationships so badly, but laughed at him when he proposed they be in a relationship with him.