Online dating can be hit or miss. Some women have used the company I’ve endorsed for years, InterracialDatingCentral, and have gotten major success. Others seem to languish. Because first impressions are the only chance you’ll get online, the importance of a good photo is essential–especially since men are such visual creatures.

Men will look at a woman’s photo and often try to make assessment of their personality. Not smiling? “She might be bitchy.” Too much skin? “How many guys have she slept with?” Above the head selfie? “She’s hiding those extra 60 pounds.”

These decisions are often made in an instant, and the guy making those snap judgements might not even realize he’s doing it.

If online dating was a dessert, the photos would be cake and the profile the icing. It has to tell a story. And that story features you as the main character and will entail how good your ability is to communicate through pictures, you as a noun, and you as a verb.

What do I mean by “You as a noun?” This is your money picture. It needs to reflect the type of person you are. Fun? Playful? Nerdy? You as a noun have to reflect that through your photo. Take this example:

A noun is defined as a person, place or thing. The woman in this photo looks like she’s fun and feminine. She’s smiling, and her sunglasses aid to create a little mystery. She’s behind a colorful backdrop that really draws the eye in. It also shows off her figure in a tasteful way. An adjective describes this woman: Fun. Flirty. Easy going. Welcoming. Have two pictures of you as a noun–up close headshot and one body shot.

The other photo is you as a verb. This photo shows what you like to for fun and reflects the things you’re passionate about. Now this is very important, because the photos you show of living fabulously indicate that you have a life, and wanting a relationship is merely one aspect of life fulfillment.

You as a verb means you in action.

I’ll be discussing more about this in the upcoming months as, by popular demand, write a guidebook to online dating exclusively for black women. Let’s face it–we have some unique challenges when it comes to it, and I want to help you guys get all the tools to overcome them. In the meantime and if you haven’t already, check out my first book, Swirling: How to Date, Mate and Relate, Mixing Race, Culture and Creed.