The owner of the Beyond Black and White website recently posted a blog regarding the disrespectful treatment she encounters from her family about her interracial marriage, a marriage where her family feels safe, loved, and happy. Her main tormentors are family members whose own lives are in various degrees of disarray. They perfume the air with giggles and snickers at her interracial marriage and bi-racial children like a sideshow circus act. You would think they would be happy that this published author/businesswoman is doing well, but it seems they would be happier if she were failing and struggling.

The attacks do not stop there, various commenters on her blog and social media pages have verbally attacked her with sarcasm, rudeness and cattiness. Her crime? Encouraging black women to seek out quality men who are marriage and family minded instead of getting pregnant by men who are not committed to them or the children they help create. She tries to encourage black women avoid years of unnecessary hardship trying to raise children alone. The worst attacks seem to come at the hands of the baby mama brigade/sympathizers who seem hell bent on putting in her and people like her in their place for “daring” to be openly happy about their peaceful life with the sistah soldiers there to back them up. They can’t let their fellow black women get a wind of better possibilities because that would mean a loss of fresh recruits for the army of dysfunction.

What is this love affair that many black women have with dysfunction and misery? So dedicated to this non-sense that they will not only do anything to defend it, they will attack any woman with resentment and hostility who seeks out more positive alternatives. Mary J Blige said in an interview a few months ago that she has fans that tell her on a regular basis that they liked her better when she was sad. HUH??? She is in a place now where she is married, singing more up beat songs (though I give that “Mr. Wrong” song the side eye) and had kicked her self destructive behaviors, but her fans like her better when she was broken, angry, drug and alcohol addicted singing about some man who “done her wrong”.  Condoleezza Rice is classically trained in piano, college educated, fluent in Russian, and is the first black woman to be Secretary of State of the United States, but she is the target of constant scrutiny by black women and the black community who mock her education and her list of achievements that any woman could be proud of.

I find it disturbing when black women who make better choices for themselves and benefit from those choices are condemned for it by many their own people. If they show the most minuscule sign of advancement or improvement they are immediately met with mockery and ridicule. They are called bougie, sell-out, or shamed into silence with the lethal accusation of “who do you think you are? You think you better than us?” To which I ask what is wrong with wanting better for your life with nicer things and better opportunities? Are they are supposed to keep themselves at a disadvantage so that others won’t feel threatened by their success or uncomfortable? To prove they are “down”?

I have read the comments of or spoken with personally many black women who justify their hostility by stating that the women who do well and are successful look down on those who have not crossed over yet. They pose the argument that these women think they are “better” than them and that their hostility towards them is justified. I will say point blank that nothing could be further from the truth. Of course there are some arrogant people who once they have made it do behave this way, but that is not the majority. Most just go about their business enjoying their life and helping those that want to do better themselves.

I know of a few black women who have tried to go back to those in their old neighborhoods who are still struggling and lend a helping hand to help them get theirs, but the response of most is to run these women off with their angry hateful attitudes. One commenter said this,” … to go about “helping” our community by shaming, degrading, or generalizing is “help” that no one needs or wants.” When you are calling those who are doing well “Sell-out”, “Bougie”, or “Oreo”, WHO is doing the degrading here? When you make the false accusation that all blacks who are successful treat other black people who are not with disdain when the reality it is only a few who act this way, WHO is doing the generalizing? And when you fling the accusation of  ”you think you better than us, just because you got money, got married, got that degree, etc.” WHO is doing the shaming here? This is the Jedi Mind trick at it’s finest and those who are aware of it will not let themselves be ensnared by it.

The definition of the word “better” means, Of a more excellent or effective type or quality, more excellently or effectively, Improve on or surpass. The truth of the matter is those who are doing the hating and the complaining do not want to put forth the extra blood sweat and tears necessary to improve themselves to achieve excellent results. It is easier for them to complain about how “unfair” it is than make the effort with what they have and enlist the help of those who have made it for advice. They want the bar lowered instead of raising it.  There are women now happily married  who for a season kept picking losers, but they woke up and did BETTER, some who had children by bums but got themselves together, married well and are doing BETTER, and some who worked in dead end jobs for years, but went back to school gained more skills and are in a great job doing BETTER. We have all made mistakes and stumbled but we have to ask ourselves do we want to do better or do we want to stay in our mess and expect people to moddy coddle us?

Let’s face it we live in a world of competition, the silver medalist is BETTER than the bronze medalist and the gold medalist is BETTER than the silver. There are always going to be people who are richer, smarter, faster, thinner, prettier, etc. but the goal is to be the best you an be and lay claim to your birthright and use it with all you have got.

So to answer that loaded question, if these women by choice are choosing to improve their situation by seeking out opportunities to make things better for themselves and those they love and you are CHOOSING to stay mediocre then yes they ARE better than you, not because of this false notion of conceit but because they want BETTER and are doing everything in their power to achieve it and to them I say get yourself out of the bucket and away from these crabs or they will pull you down, and you deserve BETTER than that.